I just want to voice my situation and feeling with the universe.

Me and my husband are 2 years into trying for a baby which is triggering some horrific depression. Not being able to conceive has been my number one fear since I was a teen. I’ve always wanted to be a mum so right now I’m living my own personal nightmare.

My husband is the most amazing man you will ever meet. So supporting and loving. The doctors have confirmed there’s nothing wrong with him and this far they have no idea what the issue is with me. I just feel like I’m letting him down and feel so betrayed by my own body.

To top this off I have 3 best friends that I am arranging baby showers for in the next few months who just fell pregnant accidentally or within a few months.

1 of them got pregnant in a week of dating a guy who is a waste of space and has a coke problem. Her personal circumstances meant she had to sell her house and is just sleeping on her mums couch right now. She has basically no support in her life so texts me evvvverrrrything to do with her pregnancy, how ill she is, how she feels flutters from the baby now etc (she knows about my struggles). I can’t not be there for her but I’m so upset.

It pisses me off so much that I have prepared my whole life to have a baby, married the most wonderful man, have a stable job and bought a house as a family home and thing I want the most just falls into other people’s laps. I can’t do the most basic thing as a woman. I can’t give my husband the life he wants.

It’s been 2 years! 2 years thinking about this everyday. I’m so tired! People say just stop thinking about it. How can you stop thinking about the thing you want most in the world? I am just not coping at all!

I’ve lost the will to do anything. All I do is work (from home) and sleep. I cant bring myself to go to the doctor, shower as regularly as I need to even brush my teeth at this point. Again my husband is wonderful about it. I’m a mess and I don’t deserve him.