I know what I need to do but I don’t have the strength to do it

Have to ask you guys something very personal and it kind of hurts to talk about it. It’s very messy and I don’t want to be judged. So while I was with my ex in college a guy started to like me during college and he was very good looking and smart but all he wanted to do was get in my pants but he would make these remarks like “oh you should be mine etc”. Somehow down the line I think we had a misunderstanding and I blocked him and he started blocking me everywhere else so for about 4-5 years we didn’t talk. I broke up with my ex narc after he cheated on me and about a day or two later I unblocked this dude and was like well let’s hit him up and see if he’s still mad. He wasn’t, he wanted to see me like ASAP. So I thought well why not, sounds like a date but I have no clue what it’s gonna be. And he was acting very desperate (I need to see you, not next week, this week). I wasn’t sure if he had a girlfriend or not, he told me they broke up 3 months prior. We had dinner but he didn’t eat saying he already ate at work. And we got into his car and he started acting crazy, he pulled over started kissing me. It was nice because I felt like so free after being away from my ex. He was driving me to his work parking deck that looks over the city and it was so obvious he wanted to have sex in the car. I tried to talk him down and out of it, we almost did it but I said I couldn’t. I think he got mad at me after that and ghosted me. And now I think he’s back with his ex... and he unfollowed me on Instagram.

I think I know the answer... I think I need to stop keeping up hope that somehow we will reconcile ... but .. I don’t know.. I think I know what y’all will say “block and delete”. But I don’t want to. Some part of me is hoping for a reconciliation..I don’t know why.

It sounds so high school. I’m 24 years old.

He’s now back with his ex (I have a feeling he lied and told me they weren’t together ) and in his IG pic it’s a pic of him and his girlfriend. Idk how his girlfriend deals with this asshole if he treated me like this.... lol like seriously.