When I was growing up, my mom would always yell when we did something wrong. She was otherwise nice, not abusive at all, just yelled a lot.

I also developed this trait as I grew up because that's what I learned was normal! I matched the intensity of my mother when I replied to things she said to me (yelling).

Not all of my siblings are like this now though. Only one of my four siblings also developed the inclination to yell a lot. Not sure why. Maybe we got in trouble more than our other siblings, who knows.

Now, I yell at my husband when he does something wrong, yell at my cat when he does something wrong. Lol honestly feels like yelling is the *only* way that they will hear me and listen to me (even if logically that isn't true, that's what makes me escalate to yelling). It feels like when I dont yell at someone, nothing gets done and the burden falls on me to clean up after them (or do whatever it is I asked them to do). Its just a stupid learned style of communication.

I always hated that my mom yelled so much and it made me resistant to do what she asked me to do. Logically I know the more you yell the less likely someone is to listen and do what you say but I feel like at this point in my life, that's part of my communication style and what I feel is comfortable for me. I can talk and have normal discussions no problem, but I just feel that isn't always the most effective way to communicate (not always correct I know).

I'm 25 and feel like I have the potential to change this but I dont know how. Saying "dont yell at them" isn't going to help me. I want to know what I can do instead or how I can communicate differently. I just really dont want to pass on the behavior to my kids and would dread a household in the future where we all just yell at each other.

How can I change this?