Last Thursday I had an appointment to see my OB. When I got into the room, she didn't even remember having me as a patient. Then she goes "Wow you've gained 8lbs since you were in here last." And I nodded as I already knew that and was feeling pretty scummy about it myself. My first trimester was incredibly hard on me and all I could do was sleep, throw up, and eat. (And by eat I mean dinner every day and breakfast and dinner on the weekends.) I had literally no energy, I would fall asleep in the car anywhere we went, while sitting on the couch, my computer chair, etc. All of my tests came back in the clear and my blood sugar and pressure were normal. I had been telling my OB this when I saw her, hell i fell asleep waiting for her to enter the room one time. But, she didn't remember me. Fine. She then starts going on about how bad I am for gaining the 8lbs and continuously asked me what I am doing about it even after I had told her that since hitting the second trimester, I had been gaining more energy and been going for at least mile walks every day with my daughter. That wasn't enough for her as she continued to belittle me about how "fat" I am getting (her words not mine) and still asking me what I was going to do about it. So many things went through my head as I sat there, face getting red and fighting tears but I just started nodding to whatever she said just to make her leave. The moment she did, I started bawling. Fast forward to yesterday (one week later) and I get a wild hair to check my urine results because I had been noticing some unusual pains in my bladder when I pee. *sorry if tmi* Right there on the chart that she didn't read or even look at once said I have a large count of white blood cells in my urine. I started shaking furiously and instantly crying. (preg hormones) That bitch sat there and made me feel like absolute garbage and completely ruined how I had been feeling about myself (I honestly still cant see any of the weight gain anywhere other than my stomach) and she didn't even do her god damn job and tell me I have an infection of some sort so I could get it taken care of ASAP. I called the office and of course just missed her but I asked the woman who answered if it was protocol for the doctor to go over my urine test with me even if it's to tell me that it came back normal, she said yes especially while I am pregnant. I right then and there changed my doctor and demanded they let me talk to someone higher up. Today I talked to HR for her department and told him everything. Apparently I am not the only person to file a complaint against her this WEEK and he said what she did to me was not only unprofessional but also posed a danger to my health and my unborn so actions will be taken against her. Good.

As far as my weight goes, I am already not a small girl. I am 5'7" and now am 233lbs since gaining the 8lbs. Before getting pregnant, I was already working on weight loss by changing diet and going to the gym. I was 250lbs and was severely depressed so losing that weight had me feeling better and ready to keep going. I became more confident and wanted to keep going so I was happy with what I saw in the mirror again. I knew when I got pregnant would put some of it on hold but I never imagined how rough it would hit me especially since my first 2 were nothing like that. Now I feel like every shred of confidence and beauty I saw at all in myself is gone again and I'm afraid I'm slipping back into my depression. I don't look in the mirror anymore. I literally will leave the house for our walks or to pick up my oldest daughter from the bus with brushed hair and at least somewhat presentable clothes but I could've been drawn on in my sleep and have no idea because I'm so disgusted with myself. The chub I was learning to love and get use to as I was losing it has now become my enemy. I hate my body and I hate myself for getting this way and especially for putting any sort of risk or stress on my unborn because of it. I'm sorry this is so long.. I ended up pouring everything out. 😞