I'm a teen mom and my little one is turning 2 yrs old next month. Is it possible to have post partum depression even though it's been a while since I've given birth? Is it just regular depression? Or is it all in my head?

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Although I'm not clinically diagnosed with any kind of depression. I feel that I have it, and if I do, I know I should seek out treatment for it.

Even before I was pregnant I always felt this type of hopelessness and honestly contemplated a lot whether or not I wanted to cause self harm. Back then in my darker times, I would think a lot about ending it all and would think of ways on how I could do it. But I always somehow brought myself back into reality by thinking, if it was a smart choice or not to off myself. I knew I still wanted to live life, so why would I be having these thoughts? That's the question that I still wonder sometimes. And if I'm being quite honest, I can still have the mindset of hurting myself like this every once in a while when times get tough for me.

During my pregnancy, it was emotionally tough for me. I hid my pregnancy for almost 7 months from my family and friends, even when they'd joke around about me looking pregnant I would keep my mouth shut and just laugh it off. I was afraid of everyone's judgment closing in on me. I didn't want people to think any less of me as a person and quite frankly I was disappointed in myself to admit to people about what I had gotten myself into. I honestly, put myself in the dark during those 7 months of hiding my pregnancy. I didn't make it any easier for myself by keeping it a secret for that long. My parents and other relatives were disappointed with me. They said a lot of hurtful things to my face, as well as behind my back, I'm sure. The baby's father was the only one who knew right when I found out, that I was pregnant. Throughout the first few months of my pregnancy, he was there for me a ton! But once his parents heard about my pregnancy, they didn't believe that I was carrying his child. So to please his parents, we didn't talk for the last few months of my pregnancy. Especially since I wouldn't marry him, like his parents wanted. I wasnt ready to be married so young and to even marry just because I was pregnant didnt make sense to me. The baby's father started to want marriage as well which is why I had to break things off with him towards the end of the pregnancy. It hurt like hell for me to do so. Being pregnant and carrying all of these emotions was incredibly hard for me. I started to think about how I could live with myself. I didnt even know if I could deal with everything. How was I going to be able to raise a kid by myself as a single mother and handle being in high school. I remember crying and having lots of self doubts during the end of my pregnancy. I wanted to end it. But I'm glad I didn't.

After birth, I'm completely blessed with my child! The baby's father and I have worked through most of our differences, although they're still there, and got back together. I'm still not ready to marry yet, and he's annoyed by that, so I'm not sure where we'll go from here.

But anyways, that same feeling of self worth and hopelessness is still in the back of my head and I'm not able to let it go. I've been slacking a lot in this year in school and haven't been feeling like myself. I used to want to achieve so much in life for not just me, but my child as well. But this year I've let myself go and haven't been motivated to better myself at all. Even though I tell myself every day that I'll try, I honestly don't.

>>>In conclusion

My parents and family don't exactly "believe" in depression and mental illillness, because they think that it's just in people's heads and that they just do it to themselves to make them feel the way that they do. So I'm not exactly rushing to tell them how I feel and what I've been dealing with. But I feel like I should at least try to get the right help I need and figure out whether I have any type of depression or mental disorders.

I'm not exactly sure where to go with all of these feelings now, and feel like if I dont seek help from a health care provider, maybe I can do some other things to better my mental health.

Any insights to my situation would help! Thanks:)