Not sure what I want after a miscarriage

Ashleigh

So I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks on December 23rd and it has me all sorts of confused. I spend every day flip flopping between wanting a child and now not wanting one. I have two step children ages 9 and 11. My husband got to experience parent hood. He just wants what I want. Whatever I choose he’s happy. I think I’m truly just afraid to go through a loss again but I also am starting a new career and want to live for me. My husband is 6 years my elder and I know I don’t really want to have any after the age of 32. Which would make him 38. He doesn’t want any after 35. I have 3 years and I just don’t want to think about it right now. It took 10 months to even get pregnant and with my new career I’m going to be starting birth control again. I’m a mess. I don’t know what to do. I’m literally broken. I find myself pushing further away from wanting children. Is this a normal response ?