My first husband had multiple affairs while we were married. I found out about several of them just after our 3rd wedding anniversary. I found out because the girl was a coworker of his and was staying in our apartment. I got a call at 2am that she was blackout drunk downtown and someone needed to go get her. I drove down, picked her up, and brought her back to our apartment. My husband at the time was military and was away for the weekend at a training exercise. We got home and she was talking about needing to tell me something but that my husband had told her to just go to sleep. I knew what was coming. The signs had been there in the past but I always made excuses. She told me that they’d been having an affair for months. She apologized and then passed out. I spent the next few hours crying in my room and hating them both. I called my husband’s phone over and over until he finally answered. When he did, I told him he needed to talk to his CO and explain that he needed to deal with something at home immediately. His CO gave permission and he sat and talked to me. I made him tell me everything. I woke her up and put him on speaker phone and made them tell me everything together so that there were no holes in the story. Then I drove her home. He and I went through individual and marital counseling for 4 months and things seemed better. I made her leave the job they worked together and I made him check in with me at all times. We made a move across state to be back with family - we didn’t have anyone where we were. I kept it all to myself and didn’t tell anyone except my mother and one of my sisters. We were back home for less than 2 weeks when he went missing in a diving accident. They found him 2 days later. At the time, I wasn’t sure how I would ever be able to move on with my life. 2 days after his funeral, I found out about more affairs and about a whole other life he was living. 6 months after his passing, I began dating. His family was furious and couldn’t believe I’d moved on with my life. That’s when I finally told them everything we had been through. His family never treated me well from the beginning and nothing changed. His mother will reach out to me every now and then, but it is never truly sincere.

It’s been almost 7 years. March 15 would have been our 10 year wedding anniversary. You’d think I’d be past it all by now. For the most part, I am. But I am still angry. I’m angry that I never got to confront him. I’m angry that he never had to own up to any of it and never had to apologize.

But I am getting remarried to the most incredible man on April 13 - only 41 days away! And I know that I am happier than I’ve ever been and that he is my best friend and soul mate. So I choose to bury the anger and hurt and move on. I’ve tried so hard to let go of it, but a tiny bit remains in the back of my mind and sneaks up in a bout of depression here and there. It’s something I’m not sure I’ll ever truly be able to put behind me completely. But I will continue to try.

Have any of you found ways to completely move past something that hurt you so badly?