3 months ago is when i found out my boyfriend cheated on me. It broke my heart. Tore me to shreads. This man was my bestfriend, and my lover. We loved each other deeply.

The only reason forgiveness was an option was because it happened so early in the relationship but i didn't find out about it until way later on. It took a lot of time, tears, and work, but we actually got through it.

But the thing is, I did it to him first. Almost 2 years ago. We weren't officially together, but we were getting pretty close to that point and i fucked up by sleeping with my ex behind his back. I had feelings for both of them at the same time and was confused, i broke his heart.(but that's an entirely different story)

Keep in mind, we're in highschool. Everyday at lunch we'd be together, all boo'd up and whatnot. But when this happened, i told him not to come be with me at lunch anymore. He went and sat with his football team instead. The last 2 months we've really been in a good place. The initial love we had for each other is beginning to come back. I'm trying to keep it that way.

We spend 70% of the day together. If we're not in class or at lunch or just on opposite sides of school, we're with each other. We make it work.

Just 30 minutes ago, we were on the phone. It's been bothering me that it has been two months now since i "put him on the couch" thats what i would call it. It's been bothering me that he hasn't asked if he could come back and be with me during lunch, I worked up the courage to bring it up and ask him about it.

I said, " Has it ever crossed your mind to come back over there and sit with me?"

He said "no. well i did at first, but after a while i just got used to it."

I then asked if now that ive said he come back if he would.

He said no because he just wouldn't feel comfortable since all of my friends are over there and they know about him cheating.

That made me sad. I teared up and he could hear it in my voice and he tried to stop me from crying but i couldn't.

It's not that I'm trying to make him choose between his friends and me or anything, i would never ask him to do that. It just hurts my feelings knowing things will never be the same because of what's happened. I miss him being over there. I really do. But i have to respect the fact that he doesn't feel comfortable and im not gonna make him do anything he doesn't feel comfortable doing.

After that, things just kinda got quiet over the phone and then we decided to go to sleep and hang up. I've been laying in my bed crying since we hung up. I don't know why. I just needed to vent this shit out because my feelings really are hurt right now. It's not really that big of a deal since we're with each other almost every other time outside of lunch but its just kinda like damn man..... its really permanently changed. Idk i just needed to vent this is so stupid.