If I could go back and time and just see you give birth to me, I would. Why? Because I just want to know who you are. I’m grateful for living in America and having the family that I do, but sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if you hadn’t left me in that apartment. I wonder why you left me. Was it because of the one child policy during that time and you wanted a son? Or was it because you just didn’t want me? Am I a product of sexual assault/rape? Were you too young to care for me? What made you leave me? According to my therapist, a possible part of the reason why I’m depressed is because I’ve never had a stable mother figure in my life. I never knew you. All I know is I was in your womb for 9 months (I’m assuming) then you left me. Then I spent 10 months in an orphanage before being adopted and being brought to America. My mother now has provided well for me, but she’s not always emotionally available. That’s another topic though. But I just want to know why you left me. I also just want to meet you so I can see the person who brought me into this world. I want to see why I look the way I do. I want to find out about my genetics. But the only thing I have of you is the note you left with me. For all I know, you could be in jail or you could be dead. You could be rich or you could be on your deathbed. The chances of me finding you are less than 1% but I’ve tried looking into it. I just know I probably won’t find you, so I hope when I die, I meet you. It feels like a part of my identity is missing because I don’t know what my roots actually are. But even if I did meet you, there will probably be a language barrier. I don’t know any Chinese and I doubt you know any English. When I was asked in my history class what I would do if I could time travel, I said that I would go back to the place and time I was born just so I could see you. So I could maybe find out who you are and meet you in the future. I know you committed a crime since it was illegal to just leave a baby, but I really want to know you. If you’re still alive, what’s happened in the past 16 years? How was I even conceived? I want to meet you so badly that I’ve cried and still could cry about it.