I hardly ever dream. What about you? Do you dream a lot? Can you make yourself do things in your dreams? I can’t. I just watch the movie unfold.

My movie last night was amazing. I wasn’t running from anyone. No one was trying to get me. Which is normal when I actually do dream. It’s never scary just more an action movie.

I was walking in a field with kids running all around me, playing tag and I was smiling. The next thing I knew I was holding a baby. It was beautiful and all mine. My heart melted when I looked at her face. I danced around in the field and I felt complete.

The dream skipped scene and it’s early morning before the sun comes up. I was thinking it was a dream that I had a baby so in my dream I walked to this other room. There she was laying with her aunt. I grabbed the baby so gently to take the baby to the kitchen and I look at my sister and she just smiled.

I went to the kitchen and my sister followed and other people woke up. I fed her and continued to feel complete. Completely in love. Completely happy.

Then I looked at my sister and I asked if she knew the name. She asked what it was.

My dream tried to make up a name “Michael” but I wouldn’t let it. I fought my dream. I made myself say our real babies name we will have. I forced out his name. I have never had so much power in my dream before.

I felt so complete when I told them the name like it could finally be true. I could really have a baby. I woke up and for a good while I held on to that complete feeling.. until the lonely grabbed me back.

I never missed something I haven’t had before. I miss feeling complete. I want to hold my baby again and let go of every other worry in the world.

Hopefully one day.