I am falling apart tic

I just had a failed IUI and am starting another round. I will probably have the next procedure on the 12th. My husband is currently deployed and I am losing my mind. I prayed to God that if the last cycle was not going to work that he have the cycle canceled instead of making me go through the 2 week wait. No chance of getting pregnant without the procedure. Well everything was perfect. I had 3 mature follicles and my progesterone was great. I don’t know why it didn’t work. I have barely been able to talk to my husband about this and I feel like this entire journey is going to kill me. I have begged God that if he is going to murder all of my dreams and life is just going to be pain, that he should let me die. I am so badly hurting and I don’t know how I am going to get through all of this.