***Trigger possible sexual assault***

Is there consent in here or sexual assault?

I had two drinks. I drink a lot and am fine. Throw shots back left and right and stay fine. One time I went out and I’m pretty positive this guy drugged me. I don’t remember ANYTHING. Random things here and there. I was so smashed like I’ve never been. Like stupid small blurs that’s it after a point. I had two drinks!!! For me that’s nothing. He was NOT MY TYPE AT ALL I WOULDN’T EVEN TALK TO HIM LET ALONE HAVE SEX. I remember him taking me to his place (because I remember talking to his friend about how my uncle eats bananas on their couch). That random stuff. It was his friends place not his. I don’t remember doing ANYTHING even kissing. He never drank was totally sober. And watched me nonstop.

At first I left because he wasn’t my type, how we ended up together I don’t know. Anyways I didn’t think we did anything. Kiss maybe. I remember nothing. We are IG friends cause he took my phone at some point. When I got home I couldn’t find my pasties or earrings. I wasn’t sore down there or anything, so I thought somehow I lost my top with him max but no recollection. I spotted the day after like I did back then being new to sex. But it didn’t make sense I didn’t remember having sex. Not my type at all!!!! I vaguely remember being thrown on their bed (which now makes sense why his friends were mad at me). When I got home I had two pairs of panties on, one which wasn’t mine (his friends girlfriend’s). Which was weird. I thought maybe he fingered me.

Weeks later he messaged me on IG how I was doing. And then it kind of hit me that we had sex. Penetrative sex. This whole time I didn’t think we did. But I remember none of it. I never don’t remember sex! That’s a huge thing to do. I asked him if we did and he wouldn’t answer and played vague. Girl and a guy and a bed. He never answered my question. Repeatedly! I asked if he used a condom. Wouldn’t answer. Said yes if he ever has sex he does but vaguely. I asked what brand. Couldn’t say. I feel like guys should know? I have latex allergy so I’d KNOW if he used latex. And he later finally said the name and it’s a latex condom. No problems down there. He didn’t use it it was a lie.

He never fully admitted to sex but I have concluded he absolutely did. He never drank. I’m pretty sure I was drugged. My mom and me were on a trip she thought something was wrong with me when I came in and not alcohol. Weeks not knowing this guy had sex with me that was not consensual!!! In my opinion or am I wrong? And him playing vague about everything like he didn’t want to admit or get caught... He seemed worried. He liked to do riddles and stuff and never give a straight answer. Still hasn’t admitted we had sex but I KNOW we did.

It’s such a sickening feeling and horrible. I’m still dealing with it. I’ve never drank and had that much memory loss I don’t remember anything for weeks or know I had sex. Like at all never thought we did till he was acting weird weeks later. Like what did he expect to impregnate me? And I now know we did and he acted weird being caught and all you don’t remember anything about that night? Still not saying if we had sex or not. Ever. No you drugged me.

At the bar he bumped me out of view of my drink that the bartender had just made so I hadn’t even gotten a hold of it yet but it had been placed in front of me, which I still drank not thinking and he tried to chat. Zero interest went to dance left him. And then sex? No way I was willing. And none of this is normal for me to totally not remember. Two drinks cause I was staying with my mom and didn’t plan on being out late. To me this was rape and his sketchy behavior after means he knows it and I didn’t consent. After a certain point of intoxication you can’t consent.

Is this on me and somehow I drank too much or did something or was this sexual assault?

To be clear I’m not pressing charges or ruining anyone’s reputation to anyone thinking that. This didn’t just happen it’s still just bothering me. I told a friend but it made her uncomfortable. Like I said we were traveling and I don’t know his friends. He never admitted it but the mind games he is playing essentially gives it away and everything else. His friends were mad we had sex in their bed. He did say we messed up their sheets and something about blood (I never bleed during sex). But point blank doesn’t say yes about sex. At the time I was new to sex and always spotted the day after. I spotted the day after but just thought it was random until weeks later it clicked. I’m not trying to ruin his reputation or report it. I’ll never be around him again. I’m just blaming myself this whole time when maybe I shouldn’t be?