He admits he’s horribly selfish. But won’t change.

Backstory: we have a 2 and a half year old son, who’s the light of my life. I’ve wanted to be a mom forever. He’s my universe. Up until a few months ago, life was amazing with him and my husband. Now it’s after midnight and I’m laying in bed thinking how to go about making it if I leave him. If you don’t want to read it all, just tell me how to deal with a DISGUSTINGLY selfish husband. He’s 30 as of next week, I’m 32.

He doesn’t want another baby desperately and I feel one more child is a part of me. It’s literally like something is missing from me. He thinks 2 kids sounds miserable. He and I are both only children so our son will never have cousins or aunts and uncles. I hate that.

He asked me to give him a year when our son was 14 months to think about it, brought it up on his own and I was more than ok with that, I didn’t want another right away anyway. That year came and went in July and I still waited to talk about it. Finally in October I brought it up and he said no. Never. That it would be the worst thing in the world.

He always said it was about money. He makes MORE than enough. I stay home and have a very successful craft business as well. He just always works about money. I’ve been so depressed and in so much pain since the talk that some days I can’t stand to look at him. The man who I would hate when he would go to bed at night cause I’d miss him. The man who is literally the other half of me. 11 years next month together and we both hate to spend a work day apart.

I started doing therapy via doctor on demand. Loved it. So easy and it was so nice to talk to someone. It made us talk more about what was going on and he finally told me ‘you want to know the real reason I don’t want another one?! It’s because I’m fucking selfish. Another kid would want me to do stuff with it more and need me more and I just don’t want to do it. I couldn’t golf, or play my video game (he’s in a league), there’s so much I couldn’t do with another kid.’

I was so happy he admitted his selfishness. He is. Very. He grew up with anything he could ever want and he liked it that way. He works all day, comes home and we talk for a minute, then he goes to the toilet for 40 minutes before a shower then plops down on the couch for tv and texting his friends. Our son has to beg and whine for the longest time for dad to just sit on the floor and play cars with him while I finish dinner. On video game nights (2 nights a week) it’s the same but at 8/8:30 he heads off to his computer and he is there until 10:30/11. He does stop for 5 minutes to put our son down with me.

Days off? One day He sleeps in, goes golfing for about 5 hours, takes a nap when he gets home for another 2 hours, then maybe does little things around the house. The other day we run errands, get things done around the house. And that’s about it. Average day.

I’ve told him I don’t give a shit what he does. I have another baby it’s my responsibility just like our son, and I’m more than happy to dedicate my life to my kids. I don’t need to go do... whatever I did before I had my son. I just want to raise two little people into happy humans. That’s all I could ask to do with my life. I’m more than happy to let him go golf and shit because I want whatever makes him happy, and I’m fine with my lil man at home while dad’s out doing his thing. I’ve always been the ‘if it makes you happy. Do it’ wife.

He also travels the country weekly for work with his co-workers and they have a blast together.. so I’m apparently missing where his life gets to be so miserable? You get to do whatever you want all the time and you’re living your beat life. I’m over here cleaning oatmeal out of my carpet and scrubbing crayon off the wall asking to pile more on my workload because even on the worst days my son says ‘I wuv you mommy!’ And I don’t care about anything, my stress melts.

So how would you deal with a selfish spouse?? Cause ever since that talk I focus on his selfishness more than ever. He has upped his game playing with our son more. He said that in our talk ‘I know I need to do better with him, I know that I do. I need to spend more time with him’ And he has been. Took him golfing with him a few weeks ago, took him after work to Lowe’s one night just the two of them... he’s trying. And when he tries he’s SUCH a good dad!! He’s just so selfish.... even with little things. Little things that never bothers me before but now since our talk and he acknowledged his selfishness, things bother me like crazy! He will walk past my empty dinner plate to the dishwasher to put his... well, in the counter ABOVE the dishwasher. I’ll have my empty wine glass sitting on the ledge to go to the kitchen while I quick toss laundry in the dryer, he’ll go down and throw his soda can away and come back up, but won’t take the wine glass too. See? Little things that used to just be whatever are now making me so mad! I never used to care, but now that his selfishness is in the way of our complete family, I can’t stand those little things!

I legit feel like part of me is missing. I FEEL there is a baby waiting to be born, and thinking of that baby never existing gives me physical pain.

What would you do with a selfish spouse? Oh. I also quit therapy. I wasn’t getting anything out of it anymore just being one sided and he refused to do it with me. Just knowing that his selfishness is preventing this little life from happening kills me and makes me so mad!! Why is what he wants so much more important than what I want? He feels sitting on the couch picking his nose is more important than having life experiences. He’s gotten so lazy and selfish and I don’t know how to handle it! Help!!

*also, we did discuss this before getting married, and agreed on one for sure and see where life took us. He said he might love being a dad and want another and I said maybe I’ll hate being pregnant and never want to do it again. We agreed to see where life took us*