My boyfriend and I were together for almost four years. We started dating in high school, and have shared so many beautiful experiences together.

He suffers from a lot of trauma from previous abusive relationships (consecutively before we started dating) and from his childhood, along with other mental health issues. He has moved all over the place his whole life, and has always had to say goodbye to people from his family moving him everywhere.

He has been distant from me a few times in the last couple years, but about a month ago he got REALLY distant and told me he was questioning the relationship for several reasons. In the end we figured out that most of them were caused by these issues. He said he tried to fix them on his own but couldn’t. He hadn’t been open with me for the past while about how he’s been feeling based on his past, even though I have shown him so much loyalty, compassion, and love. He ended things a few days ago saying that he needs time to be alone to work on himself and love himself, without putting someone else first. But he also said he still very much loves me, as I do him. He wants to be friends eventually, and we both said that this didn’t need to be forever. He has communicated a lot of mixed messages since then, breaking the silence by texting me that he loves me multiple times, but also saying that I should try to move on.

Since we broke up I have been in so much pain and despair. I have lost my best friend and who I thought was my soulmate in what felt like an instant. I don’t know how to cope. I’m reaching out to friends and family. A lot of me really doesn’t want to move on in hopes that he’ll feel better and change his mind. Part of me doesn’t want to have to beg someone to be with me, though.

I thought I would marry this man. We talked about it. I thought he was my soulmate. He became a part of my family, my home. I gave it my all. I did everything I could. I understand that he needs time and space alone to work through his past and his trauma. But it still hurts. Even though I am young. This has been a huge blow. I wish this didn’t have to happen.