I hate this

Katie

I feel like an absolute moron that THIS is my problem. I've been exclusively pumping since my baby was four days old. He's 15 days now. I had some issues that caused me to exclusively pump.

I spill the milk every time I pump. The machine leaks or the bottle leaks. I just switched to the bags today and spilled them. I don't understand why this keeps happening.

Besides that, I leak constantly even after I pump myself dry. This is so stupid but it's giving me anxiety and making me so irritable. I'm literally crying right now.

I try to tell someone about it and people just laugh at me and call me clumsy. My shirts always get soaked even when I wear the pads. The milk spills out the bottom of the flange if I don't mean forward, which hurts my back so bad so then my pants are wet. I've gotten milk all over the couch and my bed.

I'm sorry this is long I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to switch to formula but I already hate myself enough that I can't breastfeed. It's ruining this experience for me.