I really can't stress enough how much this reputation that has been built for me suffacates me. Growing up I was told I was the "good one" can't do anything wrong. Must live up to the righteous sacrificial daughter/sibling/person. And because of this being how I was raised I can't do anything. I can't speak my mind without thinking of all the repercussions that will follow

I can't do anything crazy, and out of the ordinary without it causing others panic or distress. I feel like I can't breath anymore. I have given up so much knowing how important it was for the others but also knowing how much I will never get to experience or possibly grow from.

I'm tired, I feel like all emotions I have are wrong. Like I can't be mad, I can't be sad, I can't be disappointed. Seeing others affected by my mom's makes me feel nothing but guilt.

Everyday feels more crushing and I feel like the thoughts I have I can't share with anyone because what I have to say and need to say will hurt and shock to many.

I'm hurting and I feel selfish for it. And once I finish this. I I'll walk out this room with a smile and head held high because that is what I have to do. That is the image I have built. And there is no turning back.