So I am very nervous about writing this post, you dont have to read and I just had to get this of my chest but here it goes.

My husband and I live with his family because of some hard times that have hit us. We were just starting to bounce back and were saving for a house.

I got my IUD out last July. Doctor told me it was bent and and some tissue on it and she is worried about possible scar tissue and a possibility of not being able to have anymore children. She told us if we wanted to try for more we should start trying the next cycle.

We started trying and for 6 months nothing. A couple times we thought I was due to missing my period. I wasnt turns out the IUD did something to me and made me irregular. Doctor said we can try different medications to help jump start ovulation. Had an ultra sound and have cyst on my ovaries.(December)So we did and nothing.

After this my car broke down and was not able to be fixed so we had to take our savings and buy a new car. Then I get a call about some job opportunities for me. This means we would have to give up some accounts(own a cleaning business) and have to stay at his family's till fall 2020.

Due to all this my husband and I said well ttc is not happening let's put that on hold since things came up and take what is leftover from the car and take our 2 boys to Disney for a real family vacation. So we booked everything.

January came and skipped another period. So waited till about 2nd week in February and took a test. Negative and was like I guess I'm just not ovulating and I'll get my period whenever. Called my doctor and she did another ultrasound and she said my uterus was very thin and it doesnt look good. So we had sex once and figured my body wasn't ovulating due to possible scar tissue and said we have 2 boys we are happy with.

February 26th I helped at my old job and started to spot. I came home and said to my husband anyday my period is going to come. Then Friday I went to dinner with my friend(she is also going to Disney with us.) I spotted again. Then Saturday afternoon a started bleeding bright red blood. I had to use a tampon. Then nothing. Sunday night I had a very weird dream and everytime we plan something or things start to go right shit hits the fan. For some weird reason and had this feeling that I had to take a test.

Monday/Tuesday early morning 4am I took a test at work. Within 2 mins I got a positive. I freaked out and my husband said we have to see how far you are since my period has been all over the map. I go to a clinic Friday March 8th. They confirm I am pregnant and only max about 3 weeks.

This is where my dilemma is. I am due 2 weeks after our Disney trip and I know my doctor wont approve me to go. We will not get the 6000 we paid for it back. I am in line to get a great job at a large hospital, which will open up so many doors for us. Plus will have to have the baby at his family's home and they said no way. There isn't enough room as it is.

My husband and his mother said we should get an abortion. I am not judging others but I am one who is/was 100% against it. Now that all this is happening I think they are right and I have to get one. The timing just isn't right now.

I keep going back and forth with myself and think can I really do this? Am I going to hell? Am I a bad person if I do this?

I have been doing alot of reading on it and starting to feel a little better about it. Right now if I get it done next Friday I will be about 4 maybe 5 weeks and it is just cells right now. Is this 100% true? I cant talk to anyone around me about this. I am so lost and just want someone to talk to.

If you read this thank you. Please no hateful comments.

UPDATE:

On Friday March 22nd I had the abortion. I am very sad over this decision but I think it is what is best for me and my family. The only people who know are my husband and mother in law.(who I wish didnt know but my husband wanted her advise and agreed that now is not the right time.)

So now today Sunday was the 1st day to start my birth control to make sure we never have to do this again. I feel like I killed my child. I cry every now and then. Then just turn it of and become numb it and get back to work.

When we are ready we will have another child and never listen to a doctor when they say anything about a possibility of happening or not.

Thank you to everyone that has posted and read.