I don’t really know why you decide to be in my thoughts on occasion. We started dating when we were 14, and we broke up three years later. Your mom wanted us to be married, and I really thought we would some day.

I felt like you weren’t trying and weren’t communicating- so I stopped talking and stopped trying, hoping in my naive mind that it would hurt you enough that you would try. We went 6 months without speaking, and I avoided you at all costs.

I decided I needed to serve Christ by sharing his word full time for a while. That’s when you decided to write and tell me you had always loved me. I was angry that you waited so long and told you to go away.

I finished my service and came home, and some time later was married to a wonderful man who tries every single day to be the person who fights for me.

I recently found out that you are gay now, and though we haven’t dated in seven years, it brings up a lot of questions. I know your mom blames me for not marrying you, but I don’t think that would have helped. I hear you have found your own man, and I hope he treats you as well as my man treats me.

Good luck to you, and please, leave my wandering midnight thoughts so I can live my life, and you can live yours.