First I want to say sorry for sounding so depressing I literally have no one to cry to and I’m tired of trying to be so strong.

After two years of raising my son alone I finally have a job, it’s been so hard. I’ve been homeless and everything the last year and have done so much just for us to survive out here. I’m still going through a lot and just hoping for the best. My son is autistic so he’s not the easiest child to handle. This has kept me from working in the process I lost my home, car I have no life and most days I’m too tired to do the things I need to do for my baby and it makes me feel immense guilt that I’m a selfish mom for bringing him in the world with nothing to offer him besides my love.

His dad, ugh honestly I left him because I thought he was doing sexual things with our son or selling him in trade for drugs money etc. I didn’t have any evidence just a gut feeling. So basically no one believed me, cps got involved but closed the case because there wasn’t anything found. his dad has made my life hell I never thought life could be so cruel but it has been. He’s so evil the things he does to me and uses our son as control.

His dad helps me with him every once in a while but two times my son has come back I’ve noticed deep red markings on his face (they’re nearly purple) like someone was holding the sides of his face hard to keep it in place.

Also a busted top lip and a similar deep red scratch on his nose. And like I previously suspected my sons behind region is red, gaped looking and has some tiny lesions that weren’t there before I sent him to stay the night with his dad. I have been keeping it a secret so when I go to court I have evidence against them so I can get supervised visitation or that my son won’t have to go there alone until he’s older and can speak for himself

Basically I think that my sons dad and his new girlfriend are abusing my child. I’m so scared to report it because of everything that happened last time with cps. Like everyone thought I was making things up my own family and best friend left out of my life when I confided in them about my suspicions.

I’m so traumatized to the point I feel like I can’t be the mom my son needs me to be. I’m struggling and the people I should be able to depend on are hurting my baby. Sometimes I feel suicidal and like I should give my baby up so he can have a better life. My life is going horrible right now and I feel horrible that he has to go through so much just for me to try and make it work for us.

I’ve also tried getting counselling but everytime they tell me it’s going to take a while for me to get in. Ugh my life is such a mess all for dealing with the wrong person he ruined my whole life.