I need a private place to vent about my husband. My best friend told me a while ago that he is selfish. I never thought of him as selfish before. But sense she put that in my head, I've been seeing it more and more. I'm a SAHM and I told him before I quit my job that if he let me stay home I'd do EVERYTHING. So it's kind of my fault for setting that expectation. Because now he quotes it back to me like "you said you'd do everything". But I didn't expect him to be a total slob and just expect me to clean up behind him like a maid. I like a clean house. He is more messy. He spits up green loogies in the bathroom sink and leaves them there. I find them hours later when they're stuck to the sink and have to clean them out and I almost barf every time. He could've easily rinsed it down the drain at the time. He opens fruit snacks and mini chip bags and leaves them all over the house. I go behind him and throw them away. He was going to a doctor appointment this morning so I said "Will you stop at the store and get diapers and milk on the way home?" He just said "no." And kept staring at his phone. I'm almost 33 weeks pregnant and not feeling good, but I had to go. This is his typical response. If he does go to the store he will only get 1 or 2 things. If I say we also need such and such he will not get it. I literally have to go back to the store the same day after him to get the things he refused to get. We don't live very close to the store either. He has done that several times. I dont get why if you're literally standing right there in the store why you couldn't just grab what we need? If I ask him to do anything around the house or yard he will not do it. Or he will promise he will do it on the weekend and then he doesn't do it. I end up doing it myself. Even if its lifting something heavy. We have rats in our shed and they pooped on everything out there. He asked me to clean off the rat poop and pee from some leather couches out there. That is so not ok to be around when pregnant. He was already out there, with gloves on, cleaning off a dresser. Why couldn't he just do it? It's like he can only handle 1 task per month. He plays video games all day and smokes weed and goes out drinking. He leaves me at home to watch our kids. He goes to the bar every Wednesday night with his friend, and then goes out most Friday and Saturday nights as well. But we dont have money for anything and we never go on dates. But he spends money when he goes out. He didnt get me anything for Valentine's day or my birthday. I got him stuff. But he did nothing. I'm not a materialistic person and I don't need expensive gifts but maybe if you took half of what you spend on yourself in a week we could've gone out to dinner? He hasn't given me 1 foot rub or back rub this whole pregnancy. He doesn't care to feel the baby kick. He just watches me run circles around him all day cleaning the house and then he just trashes it within minutes and I have to clean it all over again. He never wants to go do anything as a family or with our kids. He naps constantly. He naps every Saturday and Sunday for like 4 hours each. He does have a physically demanding job so he needs his rest so I try to be understanding since I get to not work outside the home. But maybe if you didn't stay up until 2 in the morning smoking weed and playing video games then you wouldn't have to nap all day on the only 2 days your kids and I could spend time with you. I just feel disrespected. Like he can be a total slob and do nothing and I'm expected to do everything. And then he wonders why I'm not in the mood to have sex. He is shocked when I say things about being unhappy in the marriage. He says he is totally happy in the marriage. Well duh. He gets away with everything. His own mother just called him a jerk today and says he is so grumpy and mean. I'm starting to see how he is selfish. I wonder does he ever think about me? And how I'm feeling? What I might be needing? What would make me happy? What he could do to help? I feel like his brain just thinks about video games, drinking, smoking, and hanging out with friends. I feel like an after thought that he takes for granted. I grew up with a dad who was super hardworking on the weekends doing project after project all day long. So he set a high standard. So when I see him just do 1 thing for 1 hour and then quit for the day to go play video games and nap and leave everything else undone it shocks me. I'm the type of person where if I start a cleaning project I want to keep going until its done. So how much of this is normal husband and wife issues that tons of people have and how much of it is ridiculous? Should I just consider myself fortunate that I'm a SAHM and go ahead and clean up his chip bags without complaining? Or is he out of line? I'm scared he will never change. How do I get him to wake up and treat me better? He says all I do is complain. So clearly using my words doesn't work and only irritates him. He also gets mad if I cry and yells at me. He never comforts someone when they cry. He is out right now, in a brand new outfit he just bought himself, enjoying a night of drinking with friends. I'm at home with the kids. Yippee. This was his day today: woke up, played video games for a few hours, went to his dr appointment, did not go to store for me, instead went to his friends house at like 10am, hung out there for a while, came home, napped for a few hours, I went to store, he played video games for several more hours, left food all over the living room, left clothes all over the baby room, I said hey um I just got the baby room all organized can you clean up those clothes and shoes you left in there? He said no. Left them there. And then went out for the night. I wont see him until tomorrow. When he will no doubt sleep all day and play video games again and likely go out again tomorrow night. I obviously love the kids we made together and he is a great dad to them. But if I could go back in time to when I was single and dating I'd ask the guy on our first few dates "are you a clean person?", "if your wife is pregnant, will you want to feel the baby kick?", "what does a typical weekend look like for you?", "if you start a project like organizing a garage, do you like to do it in little chunks over time or knock it out in 1 day?", "would you let your pregnant wife lift heavy things or clean up rat poop?", "how do you react when you see someone crying?" "Are you good with sick people?", "will you change diapers even if your wife is a SAHM?", "how often do you like to go out?" Etc. I would've seen how incompatible our lifestyles were and ran the other direction. But hindsight is 20/20. Now we are married with kid #3 about to be born. Him leaving a fruit snack wrapper out isnt reason enough for me to split our family up and have my kids be raised in 2 different homes with shared custody. I also don't exactly want to get back into the workforce right now. If I could either just learn to deal with all of the above, or if he could just learn to change some of these behaviors, we would be good. I'm so sick of being told by him that all I do is complain. I feel like a rarely say anything and when I do its 1% of what I'm really thinking. I have no one to talk to about this. I don't have friends. I want to call my mom and say all this but I dont want her to dislike him or think badly of him the next time we are all together. He is a good guy other then all this crap. It could be worse. I dunno, what's y'alls take?