Venting/looking for advice

I need some advice..

I’ve been with my husband for 12 years and we have 2 little guys together.

I’ve been thinking a lot about divorce..

I work a full time weekend job in an ER and I’m a full time college student. As well as being a mother of 2.

I feel so alone, though. Every weekend when I get home from work at 7pm, the house is a disaster and I have to figure out dinner for the kids, give baths if necessary, brush teeth and put them to bed. I’ve begged him to clean up - he says he just doesn’t see the mess like I do.

I’ve begged him to get dinner ready before I come home so they can go to bed without all of the run around after I get home. He says he wants to wait for me so I can eat with them. But I almost never have dinner after work.

I’ve begged him to just help me. And he just doesn’t. Then he doesn’t understand why I’m so frustrated and angry after coming home from a 12-13 hour shift to nothing being done.

I have found myself almost wishing he was cheating again just so I’d have a more valid reason to bring up divorce.

But I just don’t feel like I can keep doing this. I can’t be a single parent in a two parent home..I’d rather just do it alone.

I just don’t know what to do..

We’ve been together since I was 14 and I’ve never even so much as kissed anyone else. The thought of being alone terrifies me. But the thought of continuing in a marriage like this, scares me more..