20 cycles now. After a heartbreaking false positive last week I've been having a hard few days. Thankfully we were pretty busy over the weekend to keep me distracted.

Then my period actually started today and I saw this post three times on social media.

The first time I though eh whatever. By the third time though it really struck a nerve.

Like most people I picked insurance for the year, last October. I went with the expensive HMO... again. Because we were going to have another baby in 2018... Okay maybe 2019?

The thought loomed in my mind exited in January! Feeling loving in February. Anxious in March. My son came three weeks early so it's still not impossible... Right?

I've come to realize though with this meme, I've been watching a pointless invisible clock. Sure I'll have to find some other way to spend my FSA $ and heck for all I know it could be needed for <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">fertility treatment</a> or medication. Maybe now with this 2019 timer pretty much run out I can reduce some of my stress to time it.

Though truthfully I'm getting more and more anxious as we close in on the two year mark of trying.

Continuing to pray and cling hold on to God's timing is perfect but Lord is it hard!