The first time I found out I was pregnant I was taken aback, distraught and just not ready. I was worried how others would look at me because I got pregnant out of wedlock! And I was disappointed with myself with how I was so far gone and having sex out of wedlock. But moreso worried about how others would look at me, especially those in the church.

So I took the first abortion pill at the clinic and instantly regretted it. The next day I didn’t take the second set and went to the ER they told me it was a chance that I could still lose the baby, but at the time everything was looking okay. A week later my body ended up miscarrying. Which I totally blame myself for.

However, I still stupidly engaged in premarital sex for a period of time and a week after I told my boyfriend I could no longer to continue to compromise my beliefs and my morals I found out I was pregnant again. (We are still 100% celibate). Now there is no way I’m getting rid of this child. And God has truly been working on me with being so focused on the opinions of others (Gal 1:10) But I feel guilty for keeping this child and not keeping the other. And the worst part is that I will be pregnant with this child the month that the other would have been born. And it’s like that month keeps popping up everywhere and other people are having babies that same month. It’s like it’s just more apparent now.

I guess I’m asking for advice on how to cope with it, or bible verses that can help. I’ve cried out to God plenty of times and asked for forgiveness and I know he helped the through the worst of it after I made the decision - he made his presence known in my breakdowns and has even given me peace about it in more recent times.

But I feel like that peace of mind I had about it is dwindling. Or maybe it’s because it’s just coming up soon. I just ask for prayers. I know everything will be alright and that the God I serve will get me through. But anything encouraging would be appreciated.