To give you a quick background, I’ve been in her life since her 3rd birthday and she cares for me a lot. We don’t have that you’re-my-stepmom-and-I-hate-you relationship. She’s almost 6 now. Her mother has severe mental health issues (diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, anti-social personality disorder later, adolescent bipolar disorder, oppositional defiant disorder as a child, and a couple of other minor things) As a child her mother had erratic moods and behaviors. She had violent tendencies and she had trouble expressing remorse. My stepdaughter is eerily similar to the way her mother is described as a child.

I am at my wits end. I don’t know how much more I can take. My husband and I both grew up in homes where you just behaved and that’s it. There is no “what if” because if an adult told you to do something, you did it. You didn’t talk back. You cleaned up after yourself. You didn’t interrupt people. You were kind and used your manners. That is how we have both agreed that our child will be raised. (She’s 5 months) While this is how we will parent together and his oldest child has no problems whatsoever. She’s the sweetest child and we are very close (she’s 7). The youngest is horrible. She has no remorse and no concern for other people. She’s rude and impulsive. I work in a school with kids pre-k to first grade, so I’m familiar with normal behavior and this is something else.

I don’t know how much more I can take of her ruling the household. We are SO consistent with her. She knows the rules and she knows what’s expected of her. Yet, she continues to do things that she knows she shouldn’t. She acts like the only person in this world that matters in her. She lies CONSTANTLY, about things that have no relevance whatsoever. It’s to the point where it’s almost compulsive, And the thing that gets to me the most is that when she pushes let to my breaking point, she doesn’t feel bad at all. How am I supposed to be the mother my own baby needs when I’m constantly “at war” with an insane 5 year old. I just feel like breaking down crying all the time. I feel like I’m being robbed of the joy of having my own little baby because this child that isn’t even mine is being a monster. She’s been like this off and on since I met her. Right now, they’re living with us full time because of some concerns their counselor had about their mother.

That’s the other thing. Their mother raises them totally different than their dad. Her rules are, stay out of my hair and I don’t care what you do. She thinks the youngest is so cute Bc she looks exactly like her and she totally lets her get away with ANYTHING. It’s infuriating because we try so hard to do what’s right for her and she undoes everything.

We’ve been told by a mental health professional that she meets the qualifications for ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder). I just don’t know what to do. Any help from anyone besides being consistent and keeping to a schedule? I need help.

Also, In case anyone will say to just let my husband handle her... I wish I could. With his work schedule, there ends up being a lot of times where it’s just us chickens.