I never want to be intimate with my boyfriend

I love my boyfriend, so much from the bottom of my heart, but I don’t think I’m sexually attracted to him.

I don’t find him unattractive or ugly, I just don’t find myself wanting to be sexual with him. I honestly never feel like having sex or doing anything sexual. Some nights I even purposely try to fall asleep earlier so I can avoid being sexual.

He is always the one to initiate being sexual, and he has noticed this a lot lately. He started asking me “do you still love me?” “do you even like having sex with me?” I just lied and told him “of course”. He is quite sexual, and always wanting to be intimate, and I can tell that he’s hurt by the fact that I never initiate anything and we barely ever have sex.

When we do have sex I don’t enjoy it one bit, the whole time I’m just thinking to myself ‘when is this going to end’. It never feels good for me and in all honesty it just hurts. He has never been able to make me orgasm or cum from sex, the only way he can make me cum is by rubbing me or cleaning me out. I always fake moan so he thinks I’m enjoying it, or sometimes I do it to make him finish faster because I just want it to be over.

I also hate giving him head or hand jobs and get annoyed when he asks me. When we are intimate he usually does oral on me and then we have sex, and I don’t do anything to him because I just don’t want to.

I honestly feel so bad and guilty because I know how much being intimate means to him, and the fact that I’m faking it to him sucks! He has been my only sexual partner, but I have never really felt the need to have sex with anyone else.

I honestly don’t know why I feel this way, because I love him, he’s my best friend and I want to do these things with him to make him and myself feel good.

What do I do? What could be the cause of this or could there even be something wrong with me? Because the sex just doesn’t feel good for me. Please help :(