Bit of a mess..would you take someone back/what would you do?


Hi everyone. My first relationship here and I really need some advice. Thank you so much for any you can give.

My boyfriend and I were long distance for 3 years. Our relationship was wonderful, he made me so happy and it just felt so right. my family loved him, he was like me but in man form lol. Very special, a gentleman, kind, thoughtful. So loving. He was my first relationship first love. The entire time the plan was always for him to move to me from the UK to the USA and we’d get married. However, throughout the relationship he was constantly anxious and unsure if he would do it so I held up hope for 3 years. On his last trip over I showed him some homes we could afford one day. He was excited. Then he went back home to the uk and said it hadn’t changed anything for him and he wasn’t sure he could move in 2.5 years. His family, and worrying about everything. I was heartbroken, I ended it. I secretly hoped that this would cause him to realize how serious I was. We still spoke every few days however.

Then in January he called me to tell me he was going to surprise me on Valentine’s Day and show up to tell me he’d decided to move. I was so happy and excited even though my parents were not amused at all by this. I wrote out all the reasons why he meant so much to me and why I needed to see him and for them to give him another chance as they never got to see him often enough to know him like I did. However they asked me would he actually move in 2.5 years? So I asked him.

He told me he hadn’t thought that far ahead and knowing his flip flopping and anxiety and constant worries he wasn’t sure if he actually could promise me that, that i deserved a better man. That I needed someone stronger who could make decisions and be who I needed. I needed a man and he couldn’t be that for me. So that was it. Gone.

We stopped speaking for two months and I tried to move on, but he kept liking all my things on social media where I had unfollowed him, and sent me several messages during that time to see how I was, and out the blue sent my friend who came to visit me a message to say he was glad I was having a nice time. He’s never spoken to her before and she wasn’t amused by it. He also tweeted (my fault for spying on him and seeing it) he was focusing and he hoped I would see that. My mom sent him a text to tell him to let me move on.

I was getting angrier that he could just let me go like that. A week ago I was petty and angrily sent him a message as I learned he had gotten a promotion. Turns out he hadn’t gotten a promotion but instead he had sent me a screenshot of flights, a car, and hotel under a folder titled “getting her back” he was going to show up at my door to try to get me back..but he had decided cancel it and not to do it after all as my mums message and me on my Instagram stories I looked like I was moving on and he didn’t want to disrupt that if I was moving on.

So now I’m in a place he’s come back to me and told me during this time we haven’t spoken he has worked on being the man I need to be. He has worked in being stronger for me and being what I need. That he cannot see a future without me, he realizes he’s stronger with me and he would absolutely move to me in 2.5 years and would never hurt me again. He’s basically said he’s taken this time to be what I need in a man and a husband.

My parents are dead against it, it makes it difficult not to feel I’m ignoring logic because I love him so much and our relationship was really good. One of my friends who doesn’t know him but just hears the story said he sounds like a wet blanket. Another friend said too little too late. My mom says I should have dignity. My heart says BUT I LOVE HIM HE WAS MY WORLD I WONT FIND SOMEONE SO PERFECT FOR ME! There was nothing wrong with our relationship until this happened. Except the few things that did bother me about him last time and I’m wondering if i shouldn’t ignore that. A few things he does and acts puts me off a bit. Everyone says he’s immature and flip flops so much I can’t trust him to actually do it. He has anxiety and now depression since the break up and I’m also scared he’s going to do something to himself. I just can’t imagine finding someone so perfectly matched to me? His personality compliments mine so well and he was so besotted- with me and loves me so much it’s hard to let that go when the problem that broke us up can now potentially be resolved. But I don’t know if he’ll actually do it? He’s given me his word which I have always trusted but am I just being too blinded by love here? i just. Love him so much. I miss him. I miss what we had and I don’t want to regret letting him go. I really feel in my heart he’s the one but I don’t know what to do. Thank you