**trigger warning ⚠️ if you’re sensitive to infertility or pregnancy loss keep scrolling**

As I sit here trying to gather my thoughts and find words to express the emotions I feel for which there are no words. I can’t help but wonder why? Of course I question why this is happening again to us for the 4th time in the last year but more than that, why is it something we’ve been taught to remain silent about? We suffer in silence so our words and emotions don’t make other people uncomfortable. We continue to feel alone and defeated afraid to be judged for grieving a baby we “never really had”. We’ve been told “it’s so early at least you weren’t attached yet” We understand you’re trying to lighten the mood but when you’ve been trying month after month to conceive, negative test after negative test to finally feel the over whelming joy when you see that positive only to have it ripped away just as quickly as it was given. We. Were. Already. Attached. The minute that test turned positive we were making plans, due dates, announcements, gender, names. All of it. We are grieving and suffering silently and alone so we don’t make you feel uncomfortable. So today I’m making this post to tell you you’re not alone. There are so many of us who have and continue to suffer the losses of the babies we never got to hold. Talk about it, cry it out, let yourself grieve. Do not remain silent, don’t let this defeat you and eat at you. So many of us have or are struggling and are learning to cope, we understand what you’re feeling and what you’re going through because we’ve been there. Also if you are lucky enough that you effortlessly conceive and carry your pregnancies this is NOT to make you feel guilty or disrespected, we ARE happy for you, we love you, we embrace your journey. Do your announcements give us feelings of envy and inferiority? Of course it does but we are happy for you just same.

I pray that everyone struggling with both infertility and pregnancy loss get to experience the beauty of parenthood wether you’re starting your family or trying to expand it. I hope we can have these conversations openly because it’s so much more common than we all think. Sorry for the long post I just had so much to say and didn’t know how to express it.