I'm going to try to make this long story into a short one.

I am TTC. I'm 23. My husband is 25. We don't have our lives completely together, but I have finished school and I am a Registered Nurse. He has finished school, and got a bachelor's degree in business administration. He doesn't have a job yet but looks everyday. Our bills are around $750-800 a month in total and I make 50k a year right now. We aren't really financially struggling with just my job, but I also don't like where my life is in general. Yes, I got a good career and college out of the way. But what I don't like is my living situation. We live in a single wide trailer on his parents land. It is livable, but is definitely not a place I would want to live in all my life. My car is 9 years old and is having some problems, but it is still running. His car doesn't work at all. It is old as dirt. While, I am saving up for a big downpayment on a car, I am also TTC. We have been having unprotected sex for 3 years and I've never gotten pregnant. I just finished my second round of Clomid and I actually got my first ever positive ovulation test. We had sex almost everyday during my fertile window. So, now that I've gotten a positive, and had sex during the fertile window, I am now starting to really think things over.

With how my life situation is as stated above, I am also thinking about how scared I am to actually be a mom. I feel like I won't do it right. I work 3 days a week on Sunday, Monday, and Wednesdays from 7p to 7a. So, with my schedule, I feel like it'll be somehow impossible to manage being a mom and working. I am trying to find a day job though. It is hard to find one as an RN where I live (a small town in Arkansas). I am scared that once I do have a baby, that I will literally know nothing about how to take care of a kid. Even though I was taught a lot about babies in nursing school. My sister has a 5 year old, and she managed. I'm scared that I will get post partum depression. I think about my freedom a lot. Right now, my husband and I just relax most days with no one to bother us. I'm afraid that when a baby arrives, that my marriage might fall apart. I'm just scared shitless, y'all. I feel like everything is just gonna be a shitshow.

But the thing is that I've always wanted to be a mother. Idk why. I know it'll be hard work and nothing will ever be the same. So why the hell am I going back and forth here? I see people who are in way worse situations take care of kids and do just fine. But I'm worried about my mental health. I'm worried I will feel nothing but regret since I love my freedom. I love my freedom but I also want to be a mom. Idk what the fuck to think anymore. I feel like I will never be ready to be a mother.

Can someone just be real with me? And don't judge me. I want to hear your experiences with motherhood. I want the good and the bad.

People have babies everyday. But are y'all happy even with your precious babies? I just want to know if I will still be happy. That is what I worry about on top of many things.

Thank you for your responses. I hope I get many of them for I would love to ease my mind a little.