Hurting

I was in love but now I realize how much pain loving someone causes. Last night I kissed the guy I loved for the first time after talking for 3 months. But it was for nothing. He waited until I was head over heels in love with him, he waited until he was always the only thing on my mind, he waited until he kissed me to tell me that he needs space, that he’s not the one for me. But if he wasn’t the one I wouldn’t be balling my eyes out sense 11pm not being able to stop crying. I want to let him go but I have no idea how. It hurts to breath, it hurts be alive rn, it hurts to see him. I feel like there’s something wrong with me like there’s something abt me that makes it incapable to love me. I’m just sitting here thinking that he’s prolly not going through any pain right now at all and it’s bothering me. But he also has the nerve to send me his friends Snapchat and tell me to hit him up Bc he would be better for me right after. But I told him I can’t Bc I’m in love. Like an hour later I asked him if he ever loved me at all or if he just said he did Bc I said it and all he said was “🤦🏻‍♂️” what does that even mean. I can’t let go of the love I have for him and I’m gonna be in so much pain for a while. This is the third time this has happened. The first time he came crawling back in an hour, the second time in a week, I wonder how long it’s gonna take him this time to come back, I want him so bad but I can’t let him keep walking all over me like I’m nothing. IM IN LOVE BUT BEING CAUSED SO MUCH PAIN😭😭