Feeling kinda guilty

So last night something happened and I feel... Awkward about it. Currently we're on spring break and last night was a party. It wasn't super wild, surprisingly no one was getting drunk, and it was seniors only. It was basically just a chill party to kick of spring break, we played embarassing rounds of just dance and ate the entire pantry. But something happened thats been on mind because I feel kinda bad about it...

To start this off lets talk about my boyfriend. He is s o shy and nervous and cute in most situations. He liked me for a year and I didn't have a damn clue because he was so shy. But about 2 months ago, on our one year anniversary, we started being sexually active. I know, I know not a great idea at 17 but I'm on birth control and we use condoms. We aren't stupid.

When we.. Go at it for lack of better terms he is so surprisingly wILD. This man. This god damn man. He has opened my eyes to some shit I may have never thought of before. We could be the most boring people when it comes to sex. Missionary, no fun, nothing... but he has other plans. Its like a double personality, yet he can easily switch back and fourth. Prime example: I've watched him take off one of my knee high socks with such dominant force I almost nu tt ed right there, slow down to lean into my ear and whisper "are you ok with me tying you up? Just know you don't have to do anything you don't want to", and then after I said yes start going again and use my damn socks to tie my wrists together like hNg its... H ot.

So back to the main story. Its party time and I, a social butterfly who would rather die then not go, convinces him to go with me. Its fun! He's enjoying it, im enjoying it. He says I bring him out of his shell. The night goes on, it gets late, it prime makeout hours. The couples have all mysteriously disappeared and the single people sit awkwardly in the living room. I can tell he wants to go, find a bathroom or a closet or something, but I'm talking to my friend, so he doesn't make me go. Not too much later, the couples have returned, someone turned the music back on, and the people that have yet to leave get crazier and crazier the longer the night goes on. Im talking stirring up a mix of leftovers, every condiment in the fridge, and several types of juice and forcing one unlucky person to try it.

Anyways, We wander a bit, kinda lost until boom boom bam guess who's in an empty hallway. Boom boom bam again guess who's making out. Oh look, a conveniently placed bathroom! We're having a good time when I see him stop and look at something. He reaches over my head and there in a little basket by the tub is a deep muscle massager. I know what he's considering, but he's afraid to ask. I look from the massager to him and in some sexual trance say yes. We're dumb, horny, and teenaged and they'll never know! Whats the harm? So yes, my boyfriend got me off with someones moms massage machine. It had a few head options and we used the circle one, it basically worked as a less advanced magic wand,, yeah I got off. Yeah it was great, and even the concept of it was hot but... I feel guilty.

I deadass used someones massager to get off. We briefly sat in regret, burst into laughter after realizing how absurd we just acted, and then cleaned the thing (I was clothed, there wasn't much to clean) but I still feel weird about it. It didn't touch my bare skin, I was wearing leggings and they never came off but I came. Now I just have this on my conscious and can't stop thinking about it....