I cant talk about this but I felt I could write it down anonymously. I am someone who was clinically underweight for years when I was a preteen I struggled to gain weight and eventually got up to a healthy weight at about the age of 13, I maintained that for ten years or so and now its all crept up on me slowly for the last couple of years I really stopped caring about myself after my miscarriage in September 2017. I've always enjoyed food but I just started eating without caring eating for worry or boredom, having a takeaway anytime I felt like it. My weight has gone up and up so now I'm overweight more than ever before in my life, I can't look in the mirror I feel terrible and it's hard to come to terms with its my fault, but it is . I don't know why I'm noticing it all now but I am suddenly so body conscious. I have anxiety I always have but never before about my body ive always being worried about the things around me not about myself. My husband and I decided in January we'd start trying for a baby again, but these last few weeks I'm too embarrassed to be intimate I don't want to look at myself so I have hang ups about him looking at me either. My confidence is rock bottom and I hope that losing weight will help me get it back. I figure that if I'm healthier in my body it'll take that anxiety off my mind. I didnt even realise I was gaining weight until I noticed that I had new stretch marks on my arms and stomach. Has anyone else gone through a miscarriage and had that feeling of not caring about their bodies anymore? I felt like my own body turned against me when I lost my baby. Its gonna be hard to put all my energy in to trusting my body, but this time I have to do what's right to start caring for my own body again. No more eating crap food to fill a hole, it's not gonna fill the hole in my heart from losing a child. If only it hadn't taken me so long to realise that.