So I’m 32. I had my first son at 19. I was single and happy. I married my first husband after dating for 8 months. I was 21 and got pregnant with my second son. We divorced after a few years. I was single from April 2012 until I dated someone for 2.5 years. He was never married and no kids. We married and bought a home July 2017. He left December 2017 and finalized divorce July 2018. He was a narcissist and I ignored all of the red flags.

I feel like a failure as a mother. I tried to give my boys the pretty picture of a family meanwhile crushing hearts.

I’ve forgiven myself and others. I carry zero resentment and shame. I can say I live my life for my boys. They are 13 and 10 and make me so proud.

I don’t wish to be single forever but being a mother is my life!!!

It’s hard at times. I can’t understand why this is the life for me. Why I couldn’t give them a family. But I’m super hard on myself. I just want them to have everything I never had and more. I know it sounds silly. But it’s a struggle. Just being single and working and dedicating my life to them and feeling like I’ve let them down. I do get lonely. I’m content being single and love being a mother. It’s the best blessing I’ll ever have. On the flip side, I’m human and selfish bc I want love. I want to die with my best friend at my side. I’m getting older and so are the boys. It’s really wearing on me. I lost my gmaw to cancer October 2018 and she was like my mom. She fought for 8 years. I really miss her. She was so independent and never complained. Sorry for the long post just wanting if anyone can relate. Thanks.