*break up vent*

I’m just selfish and jealous because I broke up with my gf because I’m not mentally capable of a relationship and now I’m jealous because she had 50 people trying to make her feel better and nobody wants to help me and they all think I’m a botch and rude to break up with her. I’m selfish to break up with her I should’ve just stayed in the relationship to make her happy but I’ve gotten to the point where I’m having suicidal thoughts daily and I though maybe if i get out of the relationship it might help but I’ve just caused more problems for myself and I’m so dumb. I just feel stupid jealous and selfish. We’re in classes together and she said she doesn’t wanna talk to me but ivegot no one else to talk to and o don’t know what to do and I honestly feel like making my self throw up just to get out of school because I feel so anxious to go there. She made me move friendship groups and I hated it it made me so much more unhappy and she absolutely hated my best friend because of a fight they had ages ago and she still hasn’t got over it. She was really petty and immature and embarrassing and it just wasn’t good for me. She’s so loud and I’m so quiet and she’s always wanting to kiss or do other intimate stuff but I just wanted it to be a dumb hold hand and hug kind of relationship not such a serious one and she knew that but she ignored it and it made me feel uncomfortable and I didn’t know how to bring it up without hurting her. She wasn’t the right person for me she’s so different to me and it just felt so wrong being with her. She deserves someone better than me that’s more like her. I would vent to her sometimes and it felt like she didnt care at all and I have serious stuff going on and it’s disappointing Ted to know that she only liked me when I was happy and changing myself to be like her. It was making me depressed and my parents don’t know about the relationship but they noticed me becoming depressed and they got worried. She had such a negative effect on my mood and the whole time I was thinking about this guy that I like a lot more and I felt bad which made me feel even more depressed and it got to the point where I cut myself and I still do sometimes but I’m scared people will notice so I don’t do it anymore. I’m glad I broke up with her because I know I would’ve done something dumb to myself if we’d kept it going and I just felt uncomfortable around her so I left and I feel selfish and jealous and sad and happy and pretty much every other emotion and I’m so confused.

Sorry for venting it just makes me feel a bit better to get it off my chest even though people probably won’t reply :)