I feel so heart broken, conflicted, and at such a loss here and I just need somewhere to vent and get advice.

Last November my fiancé and I decided to start a new adventure and start our family. I came off birth control and for 3 months my period was regular- 28 day cycle. My doctor wanted to take a few tests to make sure my cycles were regulating (and they were) I could track and confirm ovulation. It was great. February we took a cruise and by that point I was a week late. I didn’t bring any tests intentionally so that I could enjoy my week but we stopped by Walmart once we got back and picked up a handful of tests praying that my 2 week late period was a sign. It wasn’t. After numerous tests, bloodwork, and tears Aunt Flo showed 3 weeks late.

We decided to discuss things going forward and we both sought it best to wait until we get married next August and just take things one step at a time. Well, that was until we celebrated his birthday- unprotected. I honestly thought I ovulated much earlier in March. But my period is now 2.5 weeks late if you track a 28 day cycle, just shy 3 days of a 48 day cycle (which is what I had in February) (or 2 weeks from the day we did the deed) Last week we decided to test on Thursday and I got a broken line on an amazon cheapie and what appeared to be a faint line on an frer. I waited a few days and took another test on Saturday night and a faint full line appeared within the 3 minute mark but dried without color. I now haven’t been able to get anything. I was heart broken.

The last 3 days I have been wearing a liner and getting a very light brown tinged cm. The hubby knows that AF could be around the corner any minute so we decided to do the dance last night before my impending doom and when I went to the bathroom after sex there was a little bit of pink on the toilet paper. I was sure it was my period. (Usually if I am due and we have sex he “breaks” me and opens up the flood gates 😂) . I cried on the toilet for about 10 minutes knowing it was the end of our trying for a year. I slapped on a pad but woke up this morning surprised, with a clean pad. I have yet to get any more blood on either the pad or tissue.

This past month has been so emotionally taxing and I just needed to vent. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this? As much as I would like that test to show blaring positive I know the chances are slim. I know I’m not alone but as much as I love him I know my man would never understand what the heck is going on physically/emotionally.

Please feel free to share your stories. Thanks for being my listening ears ladies ❤️