I'm feeling discouraged and am impatient with God's timing. I feel like I know better which I know isn't true at all. I feel like if my husband and I could just time it right, I can control the situation and we can make a baby. How naive I am.

I'm also really stuck in bitterness and jealous towards others who are having babies. I have two sister in laws who are having babies later this year, a cousin in law who just had a baby, a close friend of mine who is having one this year, and my entire old small group friends all getting pregnant again. I feel so alone and inadequate, broken. I can't help but think that everyone just thinks I'm barren since we haven't had a child yet.

All I have ever wanted since I was little was to be a mother. That's the only thing I knew for sure that I wanted to do with my life. I'm not young anymore either, so I hear the ticking clock louder than ever now. And it's very hard for my husband and I to get on the same page with trying, he does his best but pressure from work fill his mind and it affects our trying. Work takes too much out of him when its like this. Things are ramping up at his work and it will probably be busy for a long time with many deadlines and I just don't know if we will ever get the chance or be in the right time.

I feel so heartbroken. I feel defeated. I feel I keep trying to keep God's promises in my mind and heart and believe and have faith but I'm finding it so incredibly hard right now. Please pray for me, and for my husband.