So this is just gonna be a big blurb about me and my story, I want an opinion on what I’ve been dealing with over the past few months,

to start off with this I’m very concerned about myself and having psychosis or on the road to it. My life for the past year and half has been a reckless journey of pot smoking, mental strain, pain and agony. I’m 16 and my girlfriend and I have smoked pot daily for over a year. I think weed is becoming my everything and really the reason I’ve abused it so much is because my girlfriend and I have quite a few sever mental issues already and have seemed marijuana as a means to alleviate those symptoms. I’ve been so depressed and anxious for a lot of my life and weed has helped through a lot of that stress. I believe weed isn’t productive for my well being and I realize that but my addiction is so out of control that I have no will to even try to stop, this is consequently on the way to explaining my first reason to why I think psychosis is overcoming me. Psychosis is characterized by three stages, the prodrome stage, the active phase, and recovery. I feel as if I am in the late prodrome stage and have been for quite some time. My belief is that since weed can cause acute schizophrenia in young individuals who are susceptible to it and the prodrome phases of schizophrenia correlate with my behaviour over the last few months i must be on the way to a dark awakening. Consistently throughout almost everyday my symptoms are as follows

I have little to no emotion

My school is painful and my drive to do well has suddenly fallen completely away from me

My grades have went from an honour role student in 9th grade to having a 60% average and now increasingly going down as the days go

I’ve noticed a drastic change in my self care, I rarely remember to brush my teeth and frequently Miss days to shower

I cannot fathom the possibility to make friends because I have lost almost every one of them and only have my girlfriend for support, who believes I don’t have psychosis so for her I have little support in this arena

My ability to control my anger and irritabile behaviours has decreased drastically, I frequently respond to stress in a negative and emotional way like smashing things and yelling and throwing fits to my parents and being completely in the wrong but so emotionally charged and out of control that it feels right I can’t seem to figure out my emotions and I feel trapped in my own head racing thoughts about becoming psychotic and nobody ever understanding me

I feel like a failure and my family hates me, I’ve had concurrent thoughts about being kicked out of my house because of my lack of care towards things and disrespectmy parents feel like I’m doing to them when I’m very internally struggling.

My family believes I don’t care and have mentioned to me frequently on how I show no care and no remorse towards my actions. They feel as if I don’t care about them and when they talk to me they always get very angry because of the blank stare my dad calls it when i talk to him. I can never understand what I’m doing wrong and am always battling with what to say and feel like whatever I do and say I am being judged by someone. My parents don’t get my pain and get extremely agitated to the point of yelling at me because of my complaints about myself and what I believe is happening. I can’t get out of my head half the time and I can hardly finish a simple task without becoming distracted.

I’ve also experienced a few psychotic episodes well on weed but when I was on a much bigger dose than I was use to at the time and I became extremely transient and everything was fuzzy and lucid at the same time, I couldn’t walk and I was pale as a ghost, I sat down and I couldn’t see or talk all I could do was try to make out where I was and what was happening and my anxiety was through the roof my heart was beating faster than I’ve ever known, I remember laying down and trying to remember how to breath and then becoming startled by myself when I looked in the mirror, my body felt crippled and the dizziness was so extreme I almost threw up. I’m sorry for how long this got but someone please help I need someone’s opinion on this because nobody understands me and I’ve never fully explained it in such depth.

Edit: I’ve also went to the doctor numerous times and been diagnosed with the most extreme levels of anxiety and depression and he seemed to dismiss when I mentioned psychosis as a risk factor, he prescribed me with 100 mg Zoloft and I’ve been on them for a month now.