I really really don’t want to say this, but I think I may be depressed. I strongly believe that this is not my portion. I refuse, after going through so much hell in 2016 & 2017,that I would not be depressed again. I found Christ again and rededicated my life. It’s been a year.

Currently in grad school in London which I prayed fervently about. However my transition here in London has been difficult. I hate it here. My PMS is also nearing and that annoys me because it feels like there’s a spirit lingering over me. Then when my period leaves I am baseline. I keep hearing about the healing power of Jesus so I don’t stand by “accepting mood swings or fatigue or whatever.” If you disagree that’s fine. Jesus healed. End of story. For the past three weeks, reading my Bible and praying have been difficult. My prayers have either had tons of attitude or simply “Thank you for waking me up” and then I go about my day.

It feels like when I’m trying to tell my friends I get flustered because opening up is rocket science to me so I talk about the things on a surface level or just not talking about it at all. Feels like I am silently asking for help by checking my phone to see who texts me instead of being an adult and reaching out. Most things bothering me are external and some internal.