I thought I would never get close to this point but I feel as though it’s time to let go before I really damage myself, I recently had a miscarriage on the 2nd of April, I found out I was pregnant feb.23 I conceived feb.2 I was only 3 weeks and I could TELL I could TELL I was soo joyful I knew because I was soo tired😴 But in the midst of it Feb.8 my boyfriend and I were moving from an old place and they’re we’re a lot of jealous people on the way out of moving our bags some guys decided to jump my man👨 now I’m not any regular female my man swings I swing with him at the end of the fight I ended up with a bite mark on my arm from a guy biting me and marks on his face from them stomping on him🙀

After this I was furious my birthday was the 10th of feb., I was going thru so many emotions of not celebrating my 1 year since I tried commit suicide, my 23rd bday, living in CALI FOR A WHOLE YEAR ALONE!

(That was the party)

No parents to take care of me pay my phone bill wipe my tears when I cried; nothing! I was so distraught I started to get depressed, later my boyfriend and other good friends started bringing around ecstasy, Hard liquor, and mushrooms, I already smoked weed alone (never thought an issue of it) so by me being in these feelings I started drinking, taking E, smoking more, and I was just so emotional I didn’t know what to do I told myself if I ever become pregnant I would just stop 🛑 and just fix it all! I would go and really get my dream I wouldn’t stop believing (sounds cliché right!?) but a little days later I was so emotional I just told my boyfriend that everything was falling apart because of me because everyone trusted me I blamed everything on me he then turned it around to make it all about him I got frustrated pushed him out the door way he then proceeds to run after me and pull me by hair backwards so my head hits the door way really hard, then he slams me on the bed and cries and begs for me to stay so I cry boohoo whatever I’ll stay. So we finally get to our new house with our puppy Hobart

(Hobart Dec.2.2018🐶 Alaskan Malamute X Siberian Husky)

So we move in and of course I have the <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android">GLOW APP</a> (whoopwhoop) and I’m sending messages to my home girl asking her if her period came yet because mines was late, so on this night it was the E night remind you we’ve been popping E’s for almost 2 weeks straight now so later we go to the grocery store to grab more liquor🥃 and then while I was there I grabbed my boyfriends hand and made him walk with me to the pregnancy test aisle. So I go home he goes back out for a weed🥦 run 🏃, so I’m playing with my puppy 🐶 and I look at the pregnancy test on the table and I say to myself I’m not gonna take it cause I know I’m not pregnant( but then again these jeans been getting a little fit sus) so I take the test run to the bathroom and run out grab all my stuff to take a shower grab a shot cup🥤 run back in there play my music sit down read the box over and over and over until I peed in the cup and dipped the stick I told myself read it after the shower 🚿 but I was soo pressed I had to look and when I looked‼️

OH YEAH OH YEAH IM PREGNANT IM SOMEONES BABY MOMMA THEY FIRST BABY MOMMA‼️ I was so so happy😭😂 I told myself not to tell anyone and wait until I see a baby in the ultrasound😊 but my heart couldn’t take it with all this sadness in my life then I get this little stick of joy to tell me otherwise‼️ I didn’t know what to do but I had to tell bae because if I didn’t and started changing he would know that something is up so later that night

Yup yup I told him‼️ We were all excited time to go get prenatals and we didn’t tell our parents we waited until we got our first ultrasound and then I sent mines in the mail his sent his to his mom by text🙄 (men right)

But the love and excitement was still there. I didn’t want anything to happen to this bundle of joy now I’m thinking 💭 ( How the hell is this gonna work with me being Bipolar 1, PTSD, Depression) and on top of these hormones I knew something bad could happen eventually, especially with these hormones just a taste of them from the past weeks have me nervous. But I still kept going. So after the family recieved their mail I get texts and calls🥰

My brother and sister I am the middle child. As you can see the excitement between the siblings was getting serious😭 we were gonna do so much just with this one child😂 my family was finally coming together my best friends were finally all talking again

It was so much joy in my life this was. All I needed to keep my peace ☮️ so as time kept going on more and more I found out I was pregnant with about 20+ females I knew 😭 I was hella excited OMG my child won’t be alone lol my baby will have all these other kids wanting to play and it will be cute play dates😂 I dreamed it all. But as my weeks started to progress so did a lot of my emotions and my body😧 things started to turn just like my living situations.