Last year I had a miscarriage. I still hurt from the whole thing. The baby’s father wanted me to abort it. I was a month and a half into the pregnancy when he asked if I could just take a pill to kill it. I told him it was too late. I don’t know if there is truely a time in the pregnancy where pill abortion is not possible; but I just couldn’t abort my baby.

I was ready to raise the baby all on my own. I wasn’t sure if he’d even want to be in the child’s life. I know he still wanted his father in his life even after his father cheated on his mother several times, divorced, then left them. So I kind of felt he’d want to be there for our baby. But at the same time I wasn’t sure since he didn’t believe I was even pregnant at first, he thought I made it up. Why the hell would I even make it up? By the time I had finally told him he wasn’t even talking to me anymore.

It wasn’t until I had a miscarriage that he believed me. The first thing from his mouth when I told him his child had died was, “Well that’s good.” I was infuriated and deeply hurt. Only then did he realize what he said was wrong that he said “Well it’s not really a good thing but it is.” The death of My baby was NOT a good thing. How could he ever say that to me. But I now understand he just wasn’t ready to be a father so it was a relief to him. Later on I found out he had been using me. Tried to get with my friend, and has been cheating on his girlfriend ever since.

I saw him today at subway. He stared me in the eyes as he walked out of the establishment. He fills me with such anger and hurt. Especially since today was the anniversary of our baby’s death.