I'm almost 21 weeks pregnant with my first and getting a divorce. I won't go into details but I married a manipulative, rude, condescending, stingy, arrogant, narcissistic jerk and had to get out. The mental abuse was making me bleed in my first trimester. All he did was hurt me and all I did was give and give. I sacrificed my mental and emotional, and physical health trying to make him happy thinking it'd change him. He's broken any respect, trust, and feelings I had for him beyond repair.

I wasn't supposed to get pregnant and I would never get an abortion but part of me is so not excited about this baby. She has no fault in this and I wish I could give her a "perfect" two parent happy home. I'm trying to do all I can to prepare myself to be a mom and to prepare myself for custody battles. I'm trying to be civilized, mature, and responsible about the divorce so we can give our daughter the best we can as single parents but her dad insists on making this more difficult than it has to be and plans to badmouth me to our daughter. He's convinced he did nothing wrong, blames me for everything, and calls me selfish for leaving him and "not putting the baby first". Him and his mom have this mentality that you should go through anything just to stay together and give your kid a "non broken home". I don't believe in that, I don't wanna raise my daughter in a toxic household where the parents are always miserable. Kids can sense this kind of stuff. I have friends my age who are to this day begging their parents to get a divorce.

I'm hoping that it'll at least be any easier on her having her parents already separated before she's even born as opposed to having to go through a divorce later when she's older and more aware. All I want to do now is make this as easy a process as possible for her. But how do you do that when the father is so immature about it? I'm so scared and so lost and don't know how to go about being one of those divorced couples who are doing all they can to give their kid the impression that nothing is "wrong" with their family?

Sorry this probably makes no sense and is all over the place