Have you ever found it hard to be happy for someone else?

I have a lot of friends that are announcing pregnancy/ having beautiful babies.

I see all their happy pictures on Facebook. And I say all the “right” things like:

-Congratulations to you both!

-Your baby is beautiful!

-Glad to see momma up and about!

-Yay!!

But in the back of my head I keep thinking to myself:

-Why haven’t I gotten pregnant again?

-I’m never going to have a perfect baby of my own....

-I’ll never make my husband a father....

I had an ectopic pregnancy rupture my left fallopian tube. We conceived the first time we had unprotected sex. We had just gotten married. We didn’t even know we were pregnant when he found me passed out in the bathroom. I had no external bleeding. At first I didn’t appreciate the “I’m sorry for your loss” responses we got. I had survived. I beat death. I won.

Slowly my depression and anxiety riddled brain started to focus on what we had lost. My Gyn seems hopefully cautious about our situation. Having one EPR increases the probability of another. I’m working with half the equipment now. But starting with such a high fertility means it shouldn’t be long before I’m calling with good news.

I ugly cry with every negative pregnancy test. My husband is an angel and holds me tight saying, “maybe it was a left tube month....”

Everyone tries to say the right thing:

-Maybe life is just telling you to slow down/take your time....

-It will happen with time, people rarely conceive in the first few months of trying....

-We’ve been trying 7 years, now we are trying <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>....

-We had a miscarriage before our first baby....

I know everyone’s struggle is different. And I know all these people mean well.... And I certainly know that I’m not the only one this has happened to.... but I still struggle not to cry when I see all the new babies and the happy faces.