Warning: this contains mention of a suicide attempt

When I was a lot younger (one or two weeks away from turning seven), someone very close to me passed away. It didn’t affect me much as a kid seeing as I didn’t understand what death was.

When I turned twelve (the same age he was when he passed away) everything went downhill. I’ve always had bad anxiety, it’s something that made it difficult to make friends, but it worsened. I used to only panic about my grades and whatnot, but at twelve it started to be more like, “what if that person thinks I’m weird?” Or, “Everyone’s looking at me... do I look ugly?” I was in the advanced math class and ended up skipping classes (I was in SIXTH GRADE), making me drop to the average math class.

I was pissed at everyone for that and ended up not doing have my work in seventh grade... which made me a low B student.

Everything got really bad that winter. I started hanging out with the wrong people (not people doing drugs or anything, just other depressed kids who only made me feel worse) and was only getting 2-3 hours of sleep at night.

Sometime in early January of that year I actually attempted suicide... but as you can see it didn’t work.

After that incident my parents sent me to private school. I was starting to do better... I was making friends and getting ok grades (not all A’s but a few) but then, when I started getting into the romantic part of school, I realized I wasn’t ready and started pushing everyone away. I ended up breaking up with my girlfriend of three months, before getting with my new girlfriend twice (she ended up forgiving me for breaking up with her the first time, seeing as she knew what I was going through, and we dated for another month and a half), before completely cutting ties. I still miss her, but I said some really bad shit to keep her away... I really want to stop, but I don’t know how. I keep getting anxiety attacks every time I try to tell her I’m sorry, and I feel really bad for breaking her heart twice. Does anyone know anything I can do to get over myself?