So Idk how to feel right now except anxious and horrible as a parent. The worst thing to happen to any parent happened to me today and I need to vent or maybe just share so it helps someone else. Today was my bonus son's 11th birthday party at the ice rink inside our mall. I have a 2 month old and a 2 yr old plus my 11 yr old. I was running late getting ready for the party so my SO went ahead of me with our 2 yr old daughter and the birthday boy to the rink to set up in the party room. After 2 diaper and wardrobe changes (due to throw up and poop) I finally got myself, the baby and my son out the door to the party. When we got there my daughter greeted me and was excited her mommy was finally there. After a few minutes I put her down to greet the other guests and had her go to her dad. After about 5 or so minutes I realized she wasnt sitting next to my SO anymore and wasnt in the room! I asked him where she was and he had no clue. I immediately started looking for her and rushed out the room to the entrance of the rink that goes into the mall!! I frantically started calling for her and looking everywhere. Her 2 brothers, uncle, father and I started running through the mall searching for her. I have anxiety and the worst imaginable things were running through my mind and I was panicking while searching. After what seemed forever but maybe was actually about another 5-10 minutes and looking like a crazy woman screaming and crying for my daughter my SO calls my cell to tell me he found her! She had ran out into the mall and a couple happened to see her and grab her to take her to the mall office. A bystander saw and stopped my SO and son while they were searching and told them. I broke down and my future MIL had to hold me from falling to my knees all the while sobbing in her shoulder. The minute my SO walked through the door with my daughter I grabbed her and held her tight! She had no idea why I was crying and when I asked her where she went all she would do was point to herself and say "right here" as if to not understand why I was crying for her or why I was asking where she was when I had her in my arms. My reaction to my SO might have been out of line when I told them him he could not ever let her go or out of his sight almost blaming him of the situation. She is my fearless, hyper, fast runner who does not fear strangers and I have told him many times how I have to be constantly aware of her because of it. Truthfully I feel the most guilt for even thinking that for a few minutes I could relax and enjoy myself while daddy supervised the children. He assumed that just because I was there he didnt have to worry about her because I always supervise the kids while everyone else enjoys the fun. Needless to say he now knows how difficult my days are with all the kids when we have to go out! I prayed more in those 10 minutes that she was gone then I ever have in my life! She of course is sleeping with me tonight and every night for a few days until I can finally feel less guilty for not being aware of her and almost losing her. I pray no mother ever has that feeling happen to her because it hurts and I feel like a failure as a parent.