My ex showed up to funeral & what would you do?

Question

So, recently my family lost an important person, and we've been very busy dealing with that & processing the loss 
of this person we all loved.
I dated my ex from September 2017-May 2018, he was emotionally abusive and the relationship was very two-faced, we had great times and connections as well as truly hellish fights and moments. We had planned to get married, but because he was emotionally abusive and I got worn down being controlled and basically bullied and not listened to, I left. 
We have not been in contact much of the time since because he was always trying to get manipulative and I needed the space to heal. He knows I am afraid of him & didn't trust him.
I would not even let him work on my car for free because I don't want to be around him at this time.
Since we broke up, he at least claims to have changed immensely & has gone to therapy to work on his issues. He seems somewhat different but I don't care. 
I had been very hurt by some things he did & said to me for years, even before we officially dated. (Long story but we knew each other a decade.)
When we dated he was extremely close to my family and got along GREAT with them, they were all upset we broke up.
Well I go to the funeral, and he just shows the fuck up & starts chatting with my family members... 
I have not spoken to him for months, said I needed space and said I was uncomfortable seeing him yet.
But as usual, he just crosses my boundaries without any warning.
But I didn't want to be upset, it's a hard time for my family. 
So it was nice to see him honestly, I still love him, he was important to me, 
But also... bitch wtf, you haven't changed shit. 
It was a strange mix of nice and not nice... because sure, maybe he wanted to be there for my family & misses them, but maybe that was another manipulative move that didn't fully grasp my feelings. 
He's not a bad dude, just messed up from previous trama. 
What would you do if your ex came to a funeral of a relative without even telling you ahead of time?

Accepted Answer

Not sure why the first option would even be considered an option. There’s 100% no reason to make a scene at a funeral. It’s not about you or him.

Answer

Are you seriously trying to make someone’s funeral about you? You’re not gonna love being around everyone in your life but seriously at a funeral that’s your concern is him? You clearly said he was close to your family, so someone probably invited him to go, that day isn’t about you it’s about mourning a family member. Ignore him and go on with your day wtf

Answer

Be an adult.

Answer

Act civil
A funeral is the time to celebrate/mourn someone's entire life and that means significantly more than having a fit over a shitty ex
Save it for another day, honor the person's life by focusing on them during the funeral

Answer

I would ignore them and focus on whats important

Answer

Definitely meant to hit the second option. Obviously not a good idea to "scream and throw things" at anyone ever. Let alone a funeral.

Answer

If he were close to your family it’s understandable that he’d go to the funeral. I would just ignore it and go about my day. If he was minding his own business and not trying to get you back I don’t see how it could be a manipulative ploy.

Answer

I would be upset too. Everyone commenting seems to be on his side...but not me. This was a grieving moment for you and your family. Not a time for him to pop up and potentially make you feel uncomfortable during an already difficult and sad time. I would have ignored him like he didn't exist and support my other loved ones in conversation and understanding during the funeral. If he was doing out of support for you...he could have given you a heads up or at least asked how you feel about it.

Answer

Friendly with your family or not I don’t think it was appropriate for him to show up, and while some people may not understand the emotions, I have been in a similar situation recently. For my family, a strongly disliked ex husband showed up, got the cold shoulder from everyone, and then pitched a fit about it later. It’s a narcissistic thing for exes to show up to a funeral like that. People may think you’re trying to make this funeral about you, but you’re not. You’re in such an emotionally raw state, and to see someone who has caused you so much pain casually drop in is gut wrenching. I don’t think people can understand unless they’ve been in the same situation themselves. You’re absolutely justified to be upset he came.

My ex showed up to funeral & what would you do?

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