I’m 21

I’m engaged

Full time college student

Just got promoted at work

And I opened up about my suicidal thoughts today.

Sounds crazy right?

I’m wore out and I’m pushing my body and today I had enough. And I finally told someone.

My fiancé and I have been arguing all day, my fault I been emotional.. the more I got mad the more upset I got.

While I was flipping out he saw a tear and he knew I needed to talk about whatever was on my mind so he put aside everything and sat me down and I went from so mad to bawling and I told him.

At first I didn’t know how and I kept trying but couldn’t get it out and finally he looked at me and pointed to my head and I just shook my head.

He knew then how I was struggling. And I’m so thankful I told him. Letting it off my chest. Crying for those two hours I smiled.

I can’t go into detail on why I’m so upset. It’s to much to type.

But my life is rough rn.

I’m 21 working my ass off, struggling in school, trying to pay for a wedding and watching love ones die or remembering those who have passed. Yesterday was the year mark my Nonnie has been gone and maybe that’s why I broke today. My Nonnie was my best friend.

A year ago yesterday I got a phone call, I don’t remember but I got in my car and I hit 90 speeding to her house because I heard the ambulance behind me and I wanted to say bye. I beat the ambulance. I get inside and I kissed my nonnies cold forehead. And I just hugged her. I told her I’d kiss her forehead one more time at her funeral but little did I know she never got one she was cremated so I cried so hard because I wanted to kiss her forehead one more time like she always did mine I was set on saying bye one more time. And I didn’t get to say that final bye. I gave her plenty of hugs and forehead kisses before they took her away. I couldn’t believe it...

And I had a rough day at work yesterday.. it was horrible so it kept my mind off things but damn it hit today.

But I’m proud. My fiancé wants me to get help with a therapist and I’m going to..

I’ve never cried over wanting to die so bad like today but all I kept saying was how bad I needed to be here for my family . And he just hugged me . I literally cried for two hours and he held me the whole time.