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Did my boyfriend rape me?

So me and my ex had been together a few months. At first I was super up for sex we did it all the time, But as the relationship started to go downhill and other things in my life weren’t going aswell I had gotten pretty low. So I ended up needing Xanax every night just so I could sleep. You need that for context cause it basically means you sleep pretty heavy for like 10 hours.

So I slept really deep back then. I’d usually wake up with cum on my somewhere from him wanking over me while I was sleeping. A couple times I’d wake up to him using my hand under his to get off, and I’d be like wtf and pull away. But there was once I woke up and he was actually on top, inside me having sex. I only woke up cause I was obvs dry and it really hurt. I said what are you doing and he just said to stop talking then continued, and I was away from home at his accommodation so I couldn’t leave and just went along with it. After, as per he just turned over and went back to sleep and I just lay awake until morning then left. We never spoke about it and I never told anyone but like I don’t know. I left him soon after for other reasons but was that rape? I never said no, but I never said yes either? I’m not going to make anything of it like it’s over and done I just want to move on. But did I just bring it on myself by not having sex like we used to, I really blame myself for it. And was he just taking what was his because we where dating and I wasn’t giving it and does that mean it was ok and I’m just an idiot for being hurt by it? I don’t know.

400 views • 2 upvotes • 10 comments

COMMENT (10)

🕸

Posted at
You were not his property so he cannot take what is “his” and just because you are dating someone doesn’t mean you have to have sex. Yes it was rape.

Sa

Posted at
You're not an idiot, you were raped. Just because you're in a relationship with someone does not mean that they're allowed to take what they want from you whenever they want it. You cannot consent when you're asleep. Don't blame yourself for something that he did.

Le

Posted at
Yes. You didn’t give consent and he actually put himself inside you while you were still asleep and physically unable to give consent. What a jerk. I’m sorrh

Ac

Posted at
Sweetie, no one has any right to take anything from you. Even if you were married to this jerkface, he doesn't own you so there's nothing for him to "take". Sex and sexual activity needs to be given freely, knowingly, and without coercion. If you had previously agreed to sex while you were sleeping, that would be one thing. But from what you said, you didn't. He raped you, and when he used your hand to jerk off he was sexually assaulting you. He may have done other things to you that you're not even aware of (since you regularly woke up with cum on you/near you). I'm glad you left him, but now you need to heal. I'd recommend talking to a professional, but you don't have to. You can also report him to the police if you want, but again you don't have to. How you heal is entirely up to you.
Sweetie, no one has any right to take anything from you. Even if you were married to this jerkface, he doesn't own you so there's nothing for him to "take". Sex and sexual activity needs to be given freely, knowingly, and without coercion. If you had previously agreed to sex while you were sleeping, that would be one thing. But from what you said, you didn't. He raped you, and when he used your hand to jerk off he was sexually assaulting you. He may have done other things to you that you're not even aware of (since you regularly woke up with cum on you/near you). I'm glad you left him, but now you need to heal. I'd recommend talking to a professional, but you don't have to. You can also report him to the police if you want, but again you don't have to. How you heal is entirely up to you.

Ni

Posted at
Yes rape and he’s disgusting as hell. I’m sorry that happened to you :(

de

Posted at
Yes thats rape, he took advantage of you being on xanax and he is absolutely disgusting. You should report him

To

Posted at
That's all sexual assault and rape.

Ab

Posted at
Woah I wasn’t expecting such a support on this, thanks everyone. It’s really helped to clear it in my head that maybe it wasn’t my fault and he was just a dick. I’m with someone new now, he’s so kind and sweet and I’ve never been happier. Glad I can start to move on x

Ne

Posted at
I mean imo it was rape yes but I’m also weirded out that you continued to let it happen and that you left him for other reasons and not the actual rape..

Ab

Abbie • Apr 15, 2019
I guess I kept letting it happen because I was confused I was 17 and he was 19/20 so I just believed what he told me. I thought being in a relationship meant he was entitled to things but I know now that’s not right. I left him because he was controlling and would always tell me what to do and where to be and I was getting tired of it. I hope that makes sense x
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