I have a boyfriend last summer. He was a childhood friend. And things didn’t go so well and I broke up with him. I told my friend what happened and he said it was rape. Though I’m pretty sure it’s not tho I’m not for certain. Plus the terrors I would go thro at school randomly thinking about it didn’t really prove my own point. So basically I was with my childhood friend and we just started dating. I didn’t want to kiss him on my birthday. And by the time we did kiss it was all gross. I’ve been sort of horny my entire life and so I would sext him like alllll the time. Well, one day I went over to his house and he planned on fingering me. I thought I was ready, and then in that moment knew that was a no! So I said so. And he kept being like please, please, please. And then finally he stuck his finger in and started fingering me. I finally gave up from asking him to stop and decided I could get it over quickly if I went along with it. Then days after that he would not stop. In public, at my house everywhere he would put he’s hands down my pants and I’d ask him to stop. He wouldn’t and it sucked. Finally he gave me oral and it was a terrible experience, me say please I’m not ready didn’t work. And i felt like i had become dirty. I had wanted to save myself until I was married. And then I felt like my virginity was gone. Well in the end my parents found out he was fingering me, I explained what happened. And they let me brake up with him and then said I wasn’t allowed to date til I’m 16. I think that’s stupid but it’s not the point of the story. Was this rape? Sexual assault? Sexual misconduct?

When I told him later after we broke up that i never agreed to anything he had done he said simply that he didn’t hear me.

I mean I did in an effort to get him to stop drinking tell him to use my body instead of drinking and then I chickened out and said no to him using my body. So doesn’t this make it that I lead him on?

Was it alittle bit of both our faults?

A mere miscommunication?

I was reading some of the other stories snd these women think it’s their fault and it’s REALLY NOT. Am I the same? Or am I comparing myself to other people who have gone thro so much worst. All I want to know is who was in the right. Me or my ex.

Is he guilt free Bc he didn’t hear me?

Or is it still his fault?

I’m just so confused. Please help clear my mind.