A year has passed - still can’t get over it

Ivona • 24 | Married ❣️ | Mom of #1 👨‍👩‍👧 | TTC #2 🔜

This is the story that only my parents and my fiance knows but I really need to hear thoughts of you - women.

I’ve been in a really bad and unhealthy relationship for a year and a half without a way out. I ended up being pregnant after I’ve refused to have sex with him.

I was so ashemed, but at the same time I thought it was my fault and didn’t know what to do...so I waited until 8th week to decide right. But nothing was right in my eyes.

I decided for an abortion.

I had nobody with me, except him who still wanted me to keep the baby but I knew I was doing the right thing because I wanted to push him away from me.

The abortion happened on 16th of April 2018 and as I was falling asleep, the clock was on 7:23 am. I didn’t look at myself in the mirror for two months. I felt disgusting.

After two months, which was the time i needed to calm down after my decision and to finish this toxic relationship I told my parents. They were heartbroken and my mom is still asking why I didn’t tell her as she thought she was my best friend.

In August I started the relationship with a person who is now my fiance. I told him my struggles immidiately as we have started because I knew he was the one and didn’t want to start anything with a big secret.

He helped me to find an inner piece and finally feel good with myself and in my body.

Now I desperately want a baby. But at the same time I feel it’s to out of a sudden and maybe out of wrong desires and my biggest fear is that now when I want it, it will not happen that easily.

If anybody has anything to say, please my ladies. Anything will help. My fiance doesn’t know what to say to help me anymore.