When I was 8 years old, I found out my mother was a drug addict. All the pieces made sense; her being gone all the time, falling asleep while driving, the fits of rage... it finally made sense. I was bullied for as long as I can remember. I have a lazy eye, so I’ve always been “ugly”. I was told at least once a day that I should die. Fast forward to 14, I meet the first boy EVER that showed interest in me. We began dating and dated for 6 years. (This isn’t a high school love story.. trust me) I should have seen many red flags with him, but I wanted to believe someone truly loved me. He let people bully me, even laughed. But behind closed doors, he told me how much he cared for me. I was saving myself for marriage, but in a final effort to save “us” I lost my virginity to him. This is truly when my life fell apart.

After I lost my virginity, my bf (lets call him Joe) moves to another city and never came to see me. He had a job making good money, his own car.. everything. (Because of my eye, I couldn’t get my license. I have horrible depth perception) so I really relied on him to come and see me. It all stopped. No loving texts, no dates, no effort. I asked him if he still wanted to be with me, in which he responded with he did not.

After we broke up, I had a mental break. I went on many tinder dates, looking for someone to validate me.. one of these dates, I was raped. I felt my whole world fall apart. I began drinking, doing drugs.. all the while still feeling broken and empty. I watched my ex begin his dream career and delete every piece of our relationship as if it never existed. 6 years, down the drain. I spiraled. I began working out, starving myself to look good. I began flaunting my body so no one would judge my eye. I accepted any and all male attention. Just for a moment to feel good.

One guy messaged me and said “you look beautiful, your eyes are such a unique color” I smiled, a genuine smile for the first time. He went to work out with me, and I’m telling you all. I fell IN LOVE. But I acted like a bad ass that didn’t need a man. 🤷🏼‍♀️ He saw through that. Loved me no matter how I was pretending to be. Fast forward, we are now married and unfortunately suffered the miscarriage of our first child. But this man is my best friend..

I write this because I have struggled, hit ROCK bottom.. and yet God found me worthy of true love. I am so grateful every single day.. Keep on fighting the good fight ladies. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Sorry for the long post but I felt inspired to maybe help one person in a similar situation.