I've been diagnosed clinically depressed when a friend of mine make me go to the hospital when he found me trying to kill myself. At that time it was almost too late for me, I couldn't see colors, everything had the same taste. I couldn't speak properly, make full sentences or even think. (Btw, Sorry for my English, I'm French).

In the hospital that I was committed, I was heavily medicated "because" I was dangerous for myself. I would cut myself just to make the pain go away. Nobody around me understood what was going on, I've always been that sweet girl, always trying to make everyone happy, regardless of her own happiness. They didn't know, a lot still don't know what happened to me.

I've been abused, a lot. A friend of my mother when I was a little girl, for 3years. Then, a bf when I was 16yo, when I told him I wasn't ready. When I was a little older, I liked to party and, what had to happen happened, I've been sexually assault in public transports or some dangerous districts in Paris several times.. a part of me think it's my own fault. I thought I was safe because I didn't wore skirts or deep neckline. But I was a girl, all alone, walking home from parties at night , stupid and naive.

Oh and I didn't really have a "home". I was sleeping from couch to couch..

Flash forward to this moment.

I'm 25.

I'm really feeling better now even if I'm not as sharp as I was before all the medication. I'm doing a part time job and I'm trying to go back to school to finally begin to live and not just survive. I'm already taking courses online.

I now live with my wonderful bf. He helped me so much. At first I was afraid to fall in love but he is really amazing and understanding. I'm not building myself around him, he is forcing me not to, and that's one of the reasons why I fell so hard for him.

When we met, our mutual friend told us not to get too close to each other because we were both too broken. She said it wouldn't last and it would destroyed us. I'm happy she was wrong.

He is teaching me how to take care of myself, I'm teaching him to let someone take care of him, I'm trying to teach him to accept to be loved. I feel so safe and special around him.

It's a lot of work, but it gets easier and I love him more and more everyday.

I didn't tell you everything in that post, it was a very long journey from my almost-suicide-attempt to my life right now. I still have a long way to go.

Reject everything, trying drugs and alcohol wasn't the solution, but it helped me stay alive.

Trusting the good people around me was the key for me. I'm now working on loving myself and getting a good simple life that everyone deserve.

This world can be cruel and crazy, but there's so much to live and fight for.

Sorry again for my English. Thank you for reading that long and awful post.